pamela78 what's your birthday month and date?

darling. you set the rules. people may treat you like shit but you are allowing it.
it does begin with you. you have to step up and set some boundaries.
"codependent no more" is a great book.

2ND JAN 1978

I HAVE SAID ABOUT MY SLEEP TO HIM, IT FEELS LIKE ITS NOT IMPORTANT! HE THINKS IM BEING SILLY!

Some boundries r common sense! like dont Sleep around! People dont take notice of me or what i say!

I'm so sorry pamela78, it's hard for you to let go right now, but believe me someday you will get mad enugh and do something about it. You were born under the sign of Capricorn, and sooner or later he'll get butted in the ass. I know, I have a mom and 2 exhusbands in this sign.

Read reply #2 over and over and over again until you believe it...and make changes for you...

You need to take stock of your own self worth. By beating yourself up all the time your enabling him to take advantage of your insecurities.

As I read this I agree with Afloat. But I also notice that you say you are telling people your needs at the top and then talk about sleep being a "common sense" boundary in another post. Perhaps you are not stating what you need clearly? I find that assuming a boundary is common sense only lets me allow people to trapse all over it.
I recently talked with a friend who was telling me she told her boyfriend what she wanted and then called it hinting. When I asked what she said, it was an "iffy" hint at best. She sat down and wrote it out on paper until she had a sentence that was a direct request for exactly what she wanted and then tried it. It helped her figure out exactly what she wanted and actually got her what she wanted as well. Just a thought. People don't always get common sense or hints. And maybe if you start with a basic need like sleep you will develop the ability to apply boundaries for the other things that are bothering you as well.

I have exlained that i need to sleep! we get into bed and he starts touching me.. i say no sometimes, but he doesnt stop! what am i meant to say.... SHOUT.. i have done... ive raised my voice, told him tht work have even said im going to get a warning! if it continues. i have explained to him! but he doesnt leave me alone.

pamela, we teach people how to treat us and as hard as that was for me to hear, I needed to hear that years ago. Only WE can say no or set a boundary. We cannot allow certain behaviors and then blame someone for taking advantage of us. If you don't say no, and stay up late and then complain about being tired? Well hun, what do you think you need to do to change that? If we do things and resent it, that is a signal that we need to pause and rethink what we are doing.
Said with love. OH and if you don't have the book Codependent No More, please get it. It is a real eye-opener.
EllaBlue

What you say in #10 sound allmost like abuse to me... tell him to go an wank, when sex stops being consensual its called rape isnt it, if you want to satisfy him try having sex during the day!

Everyone deserves to be respected.

I have been that guy...the problem is no boundaries..no respect..and no communication..i know for me i would do the same thing..but eventually she would give in and i would get what i wanted...it was all about self for me..i really couldnt say i cared for her at all..thats when i knew i finally crossed the line into addiction..i lost the power of choice..seems to me like you have the awareness as to whats going on in the relationship..and awareness is good..but awareness can still keep us miserable if not backed up with action...change is so foreign to us..we FEAR it and so we stick and stay..to stay is to die..take it from me..read my journal posts..it maps it out clearly..you dont have to hit the bottom i did...your bottom stops when you stop digging...and yes there will be pain..it is painful to take a look at my part in anything..as long as i am pointing the finger at someone else i am ok..but remember when your pointing that one finger at him..there are 9 pointing back at you..he is sick and needs help..but you also need help...i am here to tell you that you will never EVER be able to change him..he has to do it...and if your waiting for him to magically walk through the door one day and give you what you think you deserve...it will be a dead existence...i tried everything...i need to establish a relationship with myself first in order to have any shot at a relationship with anyone else...2nd is my relationship with god...and 3rd is the people in my life that i value...and then if there is any room for a woman then god will present that to me..but i have to stay out of my own way...good luck...you are understanding it..now action will set you free
hugs
j

Thanks. I dont think he realises the impact it has had on us! becuaqse im still there with him! so its easily forgotten by him, but i know this is not normal! ive told him im not seeing him that way any more! i said i wud be friends, but i think i wud need a extremely long break to break away, otherwise i will neva be able to break this destructive bond!! that he doesnt see. xx