Codependency Support Group

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If i take away the helping and fixing...

deleted_user
deleted_user
there isn't much to this relationship at all. Nothing to talk about, nothing to do. I mean, there are the kids and we can laugh about them and share the cute things they do and figure out logistical stuff as far as who is going where when but our topics of conversation are limited to these things. No hopes and dreams, just when to clear out the garage. No family vacation plans, just who is going to get another gallon milk. No you are the love of my life, just okay, i'm going to bed. Blah.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Wow... Yeah, I can see how that would happen; nevertheless, it saddens me to hear that.

What was it like before the helping/fixing?
deleted_user
deleted_user
sparks don't just spark out of no where - create the 'good friction' and decide then ... it sounds as if you have just hit a pleateu of the daily mundane. don't wait for him to spice it up, YOU spice it up. start talking about your dreams, your hopes, and your ideal family vacation and start putting them into motion with him...ask him direct questions about his hopes and dreams and vacation thoughts...tell him he is the 'love of your life' and for you, remember THE MAN you met and fell in love with...
just some thought
deleted_user
deleted_user
Wow, Maia... that is awesome advice. I know you meant it for rubeli, but I think I will plan to put it into practice, too.

Thank you!
deleted_user
deleted_user
oh yes, agreed with the last post. Many marriages go through a blah time, though when kids and just rubbing along with things that have to be done takes its toll but dreaming and talking about future dreams IS just the thing often....Good luck to you....Cathrynn X
deleted_user
deleted_user
its on both of us, i'm not pointing the finger at him, i too don't know what to do. I stopped having hopes and dreams cause my hopes and dreams were to fix him, you know. Now that I'm not trying so adamantly to do that, i'm at a loss. I guess its all part of the finding myself stuff, i dunno. And there was never really a before the helping time that I can remember with him, I jumped in full speed to that.
deleted_user
deleted_user
its on both of us, i'm not pointing the finger at him, i too don't know what to do. I stopped having hopes and dreams cause my hopes and dreams were to fix him, you know. Now that I'm not trying so adamantly to do that, i'm at a loss. I guess its all part of the finding myself stuff, i dunno. And there was never really a before the helping time that I can remember with him, I jumped in full speed to that.
deleted_user
deleted_user
oh, no - no pointing fingers...i didn't read into it and think rubeli is pointing fingers but tried to offer some thought on changing or adding things to the relationship that you wish were there...even the most healthy relationships require tons of thought and work to keep, keeping on. work, life, kids, bills all become so routine and mundane and i think if you add in the stress of addiction, etc. you can get into some real trouble...i was just offering ideas on how YOU can create that in your relationship...the seemingly feel good things you think you are missing...i always say, to make mad passionate love you have to MAKE mad passionate love.
deleted_user
deleted_user
babysteps rubeli and patience. i agree completely with maia. be the change you want to see. open your heart. speak your mind. love him unconditionally.
it's amazing what can happen if we just surrender and let go.
all this will come in time. all things do. you just have to be patient and let it come.
i know that is not fun!!!
blessings. you are doing great! right where you should be!
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