So, I was reading online because I thought my mother was codependent only to realize she is a narcissist and I am the codependent. I feel responsible for others feelings, have a very hard time being assertive and constantly sacrifice my own feelings to make others comfortable. My mother seems to take advantage of this and makes it worse by putting pressure on me to spend time with her and take care of my younger half sister. I am 23, my sister is 5 and I am in grad school. I have a lot of issues still with my mom and the fact that I have a sister, and I feel like my mother has no regard for how I may be feeling. But I suck it up. However yesterday she asked if I could watch my sister for four hours today and tomorrow, without even asking if I was busy or about my work-load. I said yes because I feel obligated, and then ended up saying no because I dont feel like I should be her only option. I feel like it is her responsibility to rely on someone else for this stuff because it shouldnt be my problem. Now I feel an incredible amount of guilt. I am a bad daughter, a bad sister. And my mom doesnt help with the way I feel either. She totally doesnt understand why I feel the way I do. I grew up in a very dysfunctional household, and started trying to 'fix' things at a very early age. My mother only worsened these codependent tendencies by repeatedly telling me that she was going to kill herself when I was 3 but she didnt because I said something that made her realize she shouldnt. These past few months have just been horrible, and this week has almost been unbearable. The guilt and pressure she puts on me to take care of my sister without thinking about how I might feel (the issues I may still have) and if I have the time to help. Does anyone understand what I am saying? How do I stop feeling sooooo responsible and guilty for everything?
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