I was married to a beautiful intelligent incredible woman, everything was going great. She got her dream job and I was so happy for her. For the first few weeks before I went to work I would make her lunch and pack it in a little paper bag and write little love letters on them. Overtime I started losing intrest in her. It was like a dimmer switch in my head, that every week that past and I saw she did not necesarily need me, it was like I started distancing myself. Eventrually it all just fell apart. I wanted nothing but to be with her, I still love her but I have no emotional intensity toward her. She told me that I am her soulmate and that she has no interest in finding another man. If we cant be together, she would rather be single. I want to feel that intense pasion for her so bad. I feel like ripping the bones out of my chest and pulling my heart out. It is killing me.
fast forward to now
For the past 16 months I have been with an addict, a cheater, and a liar who is unemployeed. A month ago she got high "butt dialed" me and cheated on me. I heard everything. EVERYTHING. This rocked me to my core. I left her... the first few days were hard... the following days were impossible. I got back together with her, after I had to beg her for forgivness, because I made her cheat on me. I was not there for her, I didnt show enough attention, so on and so forth. Now she is telling me she wants to have a baby with me. I finally decided to see someone. I am working with a pyscologist now, but at this point its all so new. I have no coping methods, I have nothing but pain, resentment, sadness, anxiety and depression.
I have never posted in a group like this so I am not sure what the protocol is, if I made a mistake, forgive me and let me know how I should do this.
Ive been mad at my friends lately for not reaching out to me at all, besides in a group chat because we are back from college and I have been pretty bored lately. Of course, they can say the same for me, since I havent reached out to all of them either, but it just annoys me. My anxiety paralyzes me from reaching out to them and I just wish they knew what I feel and know to check in with me,...
The only person I care about is also the only one putting me down. Im not sure how much of this life i can take alone.