Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
I posted a cry for help back on august 28th. I received much encouragement for this list. thank you so much.
Here is an update on my life since that post.
The day I flushed her stash of vicodine and left she didn't call me all day, and I didn't call her. Late in the afternoon she called and wanted to talk. We met at a neutral location and she told me she just couldn't handle her life without the pills. She told me that she didn't want to stop. I stood firm and gently told her that I could no longer be with her this way. She looked shocked when I said "goodbuy", and walked away.
About midnight I started getting the calls. She was entering heavy withdrawal, (bout 20 vicodine a day will do that), and she was really sick and scared. I went and sat with her through a sleepless,vomiting, sweating night, with no demands. I left the house before her kids got up. She was surprized that I was leaving. I told her that nothing had changed since last night. She was past the danger of a ceasure (sp?)and she would either get more pills or help. I would only participate with recovery. (I found out a week or so later that both of her teenagers basically told her the same thing and made exit plans)
I really hate this CODA catch 22. I can't make her stop. I can only change myself. But if losing me, (and her kids), causes her to take that step toward sobriaty, is that not forcing her?
To make a long story short, She called me to stay with her. She made an appointment with her Doctor and after a miserable 7 days of unassisted detox started on Naltrexone. She makes sure that I see her take it every morning. She has cut ties with her suppliers. She has suffered through constant nausia and headachs while her body becomes used to the Naltrexone. She now finds me and puts her head on my sholder and and crys, "God, I really want a fist full of those F....ng pills." I asked her what she was going to do the first time she said that. She said, "I want my life with you and my girls more, shut up and hold me till this passes."
Did I say I was going to make this short. Well, she celebrated 30 days without vicodine on her birthday. Her girls and I threw her a party at our home, all the family was there. I hired a Trio Romantico (Mariachi) to sing for her. The last song being Happy Birthday, with the last line changed to "Will you marry me"? That Ring that I put in the safe last Valentines day when she checked into detox, is now on her finger. The date is set for this comming Valentines day.
The Pills are still a constant worry for us all, and will be in the picture for the rest of our lives. We know and occasionally reaffirm the boundrys of our relationship. One vicodine ends it all.
Wish us luck.
Here is an update on my life since that post.
The day I flushed her stash of vicodine and left she didn't call me all day, and I didn't call her. Late in the afternoon she called and wanted to talk. We met at a neutral location and she told me she just couldn't handle her life without the pills. She told me that she didn't want to stop. I stood firm and gently told her that I could no longer be with her this way. She looked shocked when I said "goodbuy", and walked away.
About midnight I started getting the calls. She was entering heavy withdrawal, (bout 20 vicodine a day will do that), and she was really sick and scared. I went and sat with her through a sleepless,vomiting, sweating night, with no demands. I left the house before her kids got up. She was surprized that I was leaving. I told her that nothing had changed since last night. She was past the danger of a ceasure (sp?)and she would either get more pills or help. I would only participate with recovery. (I found out a week or so later that both of her teenagers basically told her the same thing and made exit plans)
I really hate this CODA catch 22. I can't make her stop. I can only change myself. But if losing me, (and her kids), causes her to take that step toward sobriaty, is that not forcing her?
To make a long story short, She called me to stay with her. She made an appointment with her Doctor and after a miserable 7 days of unassisted detox started on Naltrexone. She makes sure that I see her take it every morning. She has cut ties with her suppliers. She has suffered through constant nausia and headachs while her body becomes used to the Naltrexone. She now finds me and puts her head on my sholder and and crys, "God, I really want a fist full of those F....ng pills." I asked her what she was going to do the first time she said that. She said, "I want my life with you and my girls more, shut up and hold me till this passes."
Did I say I was going to make this short. Well, she celebrated 30 days without vicodine on her birthday. Her girls and I threw her a party at our home, all the family was there. I hired a Trio Romantico (Mariachi) to sing for her. The last song being Happy Birthday, with the last line changed to "Will you marry me"? That Ring that I put in the safe last Valentines day when she checked into detox, is now on her finger. The date is set for this comming Valentines day.
The Pills are still a constant worry for us all, and will be in the picture for the rest of our lives. We know and occasionally reaffirm the boundrys of our relationship. One vicodine ends it all.
Wish us luck.
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
I understand, I took get hung up on that catch 22 as well...I understand that it is more about not being sick 'with the addict' and enabling them.
I am very uncomfortable with the contradiction of getting clean for me and the girls, but then again, if we are that something that she does not want to lose to the pills, then I can live with it.
As for a program, she was doing NA and We were in Al-anon and Alateen. She was just a few days short of her 180 day chip. She does not want to go back. We are calling this the ONE STEP program. The girls and I have etched a hard boundry line around our lives that does not include opiates,and she gets to decide which step to take. I have made it very clear, that the step back to vicodin is one way and permanant when it come to me. I'm too old and too week of spirit to bear that pain again.
This is probably a close match to "Rational Recovery"