I am so with you. I have always gone for guys that need me and in the end I am resenting them for needing me so much. I always love to here the comment, "You are so much better than him, he doesn't desereve you." I guess that is a sick way to build my self-esteem. I don't think I would know what to do if I were with a man that could support me and take care of me.

I would suggest checking out Susan Elliott's blog Getting Past Your Past at wordpress.com

www.gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com

She has great articles on codependency issues and choosing the wrong people, and her writing has been of much help to me in dealing with my issues. Best of luck!

I am also a recovering alcoholic and I think I picked guys who drank more than me so that I could compare my drinking to their drinking (point my finger and say "see I'm not as bad as him"), the worse my drinking got then the worse the guys got! LOL!! Never thought about it till just now!!

I always have chosen musicians I think because there is something about the buzz of being in a large crowd and knowing lots of people. However, I have never been with anyone who is loyal, respects me, considered my needs or to be perfectly honest really loved me. At the age of 48 I can say I have never had a relationship that I can think that was a wholesome partnership. My last 6 year long boyfriend was such bad news. Narcissist, pathological liar, totally broke, womaniser, asthmatic smoker, heavy drinker and regular marijuana smoker. I do yoga, dance, and crafts so we were totally unsuited. But oh boy the dynamic of us both being co-dependent made for a great drama. I would love to be in a relationship now. One that is balanced and good for two people to be in.

my relationships have kinda been the same coral

For me, I find a guy and fall in love and he's the greatest thing since sliced bread. And I don't even recognize the huge red flags going up because my brain is stuck in codependency mode. I make excuses for his short comings. I put up with way more than any sane person would. I rationalize everything, and I justify my suffering because I love him SO MUCH that I'm making that sacrifice for him. I'm in a new relationship now (a better one). I've never been with an abuser, but always addicts. My new relationship was going so well, but then I "realized" - as if it was not obvious the whole time - that my new bf is probably an addict too. It just amazes me how I can get in a relationship and think "this one's different" when the signs are all right there in front of me. But I do it every time. I don't know, I guess it's a low self-esteem thing. No guy who's got it all together would put up with me so I might as well stick with the losers! But at least now I'm starting to "see" the signs of my codependence (not always immediately, but in enough time to really stop and think about it). If I can see it I can address the problem before it gets way out of hand.