And if he doesn't want to adjust and he finds someone else nothing will happen to you that is bad. You may have to spend some time with yourself, but it will be temporary. It may hurt for a little while, but it too will be temporary. If you say nothing and go on with this relationship then something bad probably will happen. Your concerns will probably not go away and you will probably continue down the road of losing yourself until you feel helpless to change it. And then you will feel immense pain that is more enduring. You are here so you must not want option 2. Go ahead and speak your mind. Break the cycle. And if it all falls apart, we'll still be here for you.

Affirmations really helped me at first.

I'd stand in front of the mirror and tell myself the way it really was.

"I am worthy of being loved and respected."

"I deserve to be treated well, by the people I love."

"I deserve to be happy."

"I'm a good person."

"I am..."

"My strengths as a person are..."

"This is what I have to offer other people..."

Whatever it took. I'd repeat stuff and it'd feel like a lie, because it was so different from what I was told growing up. But I repeated it...looking into my own eyes...until I cried because I felt I was finally given permission to feel good about myself and want something better for my life.

"Cowardice, as distinguished from panic, is almost always simply a lack of ability to suspend the functioning of the imagination." [Ernest Hemingway, "Men at War," 1942]

Tell yourself that you are worth it, and that you have the strength and ability to stand up for yourself and what you need...and what you deserve.

"Fake it until you can make it"

I agree with Scattered. If you have concerns it is for a reason and you need to address it. Don't get into the pattern of discounting your feelings for fear of what someone else may or may not do. Noone should have to live their life that way. BE STRONG!

I find that sometimes I discount my feelings because I am worried that they are just a result of being codependent. but a duck is a duck.

He won't find someone that won't have a problem with it. He will just find someone who is codependent enough to not take a stand.

brat, i agree with all the thoughts here. remember? "red flags ain't party favors"
i was just thinking yesterday how nice it would be to truly get to know someone and understand them--to feel understood--before we fell "in love" or got physical.
i think sometimes ignoring red flags and that "in love, he's the one" feeling is nature's way of perpetuating the species.
feel the fear and do it anyway. put it out there and see what you get.
you are in control!
a great book on this is "in the meantime" by iyanla vanzant.
when we realize and accept that all relationships teach us and that not all relationships "in love" have to be the "end all be all" then we can relax, remain confident, and be ourselves.
it really just comes down to self empowerment.
and, i will get off my soapbox here, but i wanted to say.
what you think about yourself will eventually define you.
you are not a coward! you are wise and cautious!
if we sit still long enough without react then the answer always appears from our center that guides us.
blessings to you girlie.
xo

First let me say, good for you for recognizing there is a problem. That fact that you see this is great!
I would just remind you that you deserve to be happy.
I think people usually rise to the occasion when they know you hold yourself in high esteem and if they don't, it's better that they move on.