
Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...

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I met a man a few months ago. We started out slow, talking on the phone and emailing for 2 months before we went out. Now we see each other about once a week and I've grown very attached to him. He's been very considerate and respectful.
Over the past week, he's called and said some things that have bothered me. And true to my codependent self, I've acted like everything was fine. That what he said didn't bother me. I'm making excuses for him in my mind. Why am I doing this? I know better. I know if I let this go, more things like this will happen and it will even escalate because that's the pattern. Then I'll be miserable.
I know the best way to handle this is to come out and say, "this concerns me". But I'm afraid. I'm afraid that he will decide that he doesn't want to adjust for my sake and find someone else that won't have a problem with it.
I'm such a coward.
Over the past week, he's called and said some things that have bothered me. And true to my codependent self, I've acted like everything was fine. That what he said didn't bother me. I'm making excuses for him in my mind. Why am I doing this? I know better. I know if I let this go, more things like this will happen and it will even escalate because that's the pattern. Then I'll be miserable.
I know the best way to handle this is to come out and say, "this concerns me". But I'm afraid. I'm afraid that he will decide that he doesn't want to adjust for my sake and find someone else that won't have a problem with it.
I'm such a coward.
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I'd stand in front of the mirror and tell myself the way it really was.
"I am worthy of being loved and respected."
"I deserve to be treated well, by the people I love."
"I deserve to be happy."
"I'm a good person."
"I am..."
"My strengths as a person are..."
"This is what I have to offer other people..."
Whatever it took. I'd repeat stuff and it'd feel like a lie, because it was so different from what I was told growing up. But I repeated it...looking into my own eyes...until I cried because I felt I was finally given permission to feel good about myself and want something better for my life.
"Cowardice, as distinguished from panic, is almost always simply a lack of ability to suspend the functioning of the imagination." [Ernest Hemingway, "Men at War," 1942]
Tell yourself that you are worth it, and that you have the strength and ability to stand up for yourself and what you need...and what you deserve.
"Fake it until you can make it"
He won't find someone that won't have a problem with it. He will just find someone who is codependent enough to not take a stand.
i was just thinking yesterday how nice it would be to truly get to know someone and understand them--to feel understood--before we fell "in love" or got physical.
i think sometimes ignoring red flags and that "in love, he's the one" feeling is nature's way of perpetuating the species.
feel the fear and do it anyway. put it out there and see what you get.
you are in control!
a great book on this is "in the meantime" by iyanla vanzant.
when we realize and accept that all relationships teach us and that not all relationships "in love" have to be the "end all be all" then we can relax, remain confident, and be ourselves.
it really just comes down to self empowerment.
and, i will get off my soapbox here, but i wanted to say.
what you think about yourself will eventually define you.
you are not a coward! you are wise and cautious!
if we sit still long enough without react then the answer always appears from our center that guides us.
blessings to you girlie.
xo
I would just remind you that you deserve to be happy.
I think people usually rise to the occasion when they know you hold yourself in high esteem and if they don't, it's better that they move on.