Codependency Support Group

Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...

2,708 Members
10,442 Posts
0 Online
Addiction & Recovery
/ Codependency Support Group

How to move on...

deleted_user
deleted_user
I left a very unhealthy relationship about two weeks ago. My ex is making it difficult to move on with my life by making contact with me. I have given in and have made contact with him in return. I don't want to give in to his pathetic attempts for sympathy. He has gone to his family and my friends to turn them against me and to gain their sympathy. He is convinced that I am the bad one, although in the end, he abused me physically and emotionally throughout our relationship. I am feeling guilty. I am letting him get to me. How do I get past this? He is holding my personal belongings as some sort of collateral and refuses to return them to me. He has also contacted my ex to make himself feel better about the demise of our relationship. I feel betrayed and hurt.
deleted_user
deleted_user
First and foremost, remember why the relationship ended. He continues to be emotionally immature. He is seemingly more concerned with getting his wants and needs met than anything your going through. Your feeling hurt is justified, the relationship that you had hoped the best for, turned into a control struggle. Take the time to grieve the loss of the relationship and all that it meant to you. Then, move on. You can always involve the police to retrieve your personal items. Don't let him exercise his control over you a minute longer.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Thanks, Mike. Your words couldn't be any more true. He has become immature in his attempts. He is a selfish human being and I don't want to be with someone like that in the end. I am trying my best to grieve without letting my anger get the best of me, but it is difficult, I must say. He is a controlling man and I deserve better in my life.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi Modlife,
I've just had a brief look at your profile and you wrote that it is "too soon to tell if Coda/ 12 step program is working". I'd have to say that it appears as if it is working pretty darn well for you to have the awareness and self esteem you have at present to be able to cope with this situation a day at a time.

Keep on Keeping on. You are an inspiration in your strength and determination to not accept unacceptable behaviour a day at a time any more.

Big Hug and Big respect,
Tusti XX
deleted_user
deleted_user
Thank you, Tusti, for your kind words. I am trying to train my brain right now into thinking that I did the right thing by leaving an undesirable relationship. I haven't started CODA yet, but plan to have my first meeting tomorrow.
Posts You May Be Interested In
  • GrassIsGreen

    acknowlodging

    Posted by: GrassIsGreen
    Last Reply: GrassIsGreen
    15
    I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
  • Ilovethekitties

    OT My last day with USPS will be 2-27-15

    Posted by: Ilovethekitties
    Last Reply: GiphyOlivia
    21
    I gave my 2 week notice last Friday 13th. Now to join you fine people in a life of leisure and nothing else to do but to look out for myself....is it just me or does that sound pretty boring? My goal was to live to retire and I guess having to take early retirement because of health reasons wasn't exactly the way I had planned things. I just can't stay in that building that is reeking mildew...