Codependency Support Group

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How to forgive

deleted_user
deleted_user
During the past month I have been so consumed with anger, hurt and pain that I have seriously neglected other areas in my life. I am still holding on to much of the hurt my ex caused me while we were together as well as the resentment for him leaving me (even though I was the one to put up with all his shit).

I realized today that in order to move on and let go of the anger and find peace, I must forgive him. I strongly believe forgiveness is something you do for yourself, and not the other person. I want to "forgive him" and let the anger go, but I dont know how. Any thoughts?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Honestly, twinstar, for me... I still haven't forgiven him for leaving me the way he did... I've accepted the fact that he only did what he could handle... but forgiving MYSELF was what really made a difference... forgiving myself for putting up with his crap for so long... forgiving myself for covering up all of his bad habits... forgiving myself for what I felt was "failing the marriage"... I don't know about some of the others here but forgiving myself was a lot more cathartic than forgiving him... I still think what he did is/was reprehensible...
bigguy3
bigguy3
I read the book "How can I forgive you", by Janice Abrams Springs while I was going through the period of determining whether my (now ex) wife and I could salvage our relationship. It may provide some useful information.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi all. I woke up this morning, thinking i cant have a repeat of last nite, i was in such a mess! im getting over someone cheating on me and many things, and i was lot easier on myself this morning than ever, and it feels good. im taking back my responsibilty!! i need to forgive and move on, which is easier said than done, but we only keep in our state of pain by trying to get people bak, or just holding onto the fact about wot they did. give them the responsibitly back and let them deal with it, we r free to move on and have fun and enjoyment in our lives!! does that make sense.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I kind of asked this question a while back. The answers were mixed. For me, it boiled down to not being able to forgive, but understanding why it happened. It seemed to lighten the "load" on my shoulders. Maybe eventually I will forgive. They say time heals all wounds. I think this is true. The longer it gets the less it hurts.
deleted_user
deleted_user
for me, "forgiveness" is about unconditional love for myself and others.
when i can look at MYSELF and see my frailty, my flaws, my illness....then i can forgive another for their's and even feel compassion for them.
doesn't mean i let them back into my life, or tolerate disrespectful behavior.
forgiveness of others is a gift to ourselves.
blessings.
bigguy3
bigguy3
Thanks afloat, that reminds me of a quote. It is attributed to Andy Rooney ... "I have learned that love, not time, heals all wounds." I think it is very true.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi twinstar-I heard this once-just the repetitive nature of it helped me. I will forgive you, I will forgive you, I will forgive you....I might not feel that you deserve forgiveness, but You are forgiven...because I deserve to not carry that heaviness around. Hope it helps....
deleted_user
deleted_user
well, i have made heart choices to forgive others....for the real biggies...i wrote them a letter of forgiveness...i sent one to my father and he responded positively to it....but i find when i feel the pain i have to invite forgiveness in again...forgiveness is a choice....i don't like to get in touch with the pain of what others have done to me, and forgiving is hard to do, but i feel more peaceful when i make a choice to forgive the wrongs people have done against me.
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