Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
So for 2 days I've been saying what I mean and meaning what I say, not playing the game of pleasing him, keeping my distance, doing my thing. And already, he is nicer. Called to congratulate me on a certification exam I passed. I quickly got of the phone so as not to fall victim to victim again. I know in my gut its not this simple, that he senses something is changing and is trying to keep me from changing...am i right or could it be possilbe....
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
going to take time. but it works.
i suggest a book "why men love bitches".
it's really a glimpse into the male psyche, something that has always baffled me.
the subtitle should be "how to get some self-esteem and quit focusing on love relationships".
when i faithfully practice her suggestions, the bf straightens up immediately. it's like magic.
it's so predictable it's almost pathetic. but i sure prefer him on his toes than on the couch taking me for granted.
but really, all men are the same. they love the chase.they like the excitement. what women perceive as playing games, they like. it's a challenge. it's unknown.
where we find comfort in predictability and routine, they like things a bit dicey, spicy, never settled.
we just need to step back and let them chase us until we catch them......
it's not about manipulation.
it's about having a life.
blessings!
evidently men liked to be jerked into line...they know when they have pushed too far. and actually want and like to be called on it. women are socialized to be "nice" to "give" to lose our sense of self. that is not what men want at all.
i think for me the issue was giving a lecture when i really should've just given a sentence.
or just not been available to him.
she continuously posits that the only thing men understand is lack of contact. god knows how many times i've tried to express "feelings" or have a "heart to heart"....bullshit.
all they get is "boy, i must have screwed up this time if she is ___________, not cooking dinner, not doing the laundry, not paying the bills....whatever the point of contention is.
this is different for you because you are married and living together but the woman would say something like:
"i'm not giving you any more money until you contribute to our household by working."
and then, just don't do it.
we talk here about how we teach people how to treat us....well, at times we also enable them to do the very thing we despise.
"never do for someone else what they can do for themselves."
while it may make us feel superior or helpful or needed, it just infantilizes the other and keeps them in a state of dependence/resentment and then that pisses us off and we lash out at them which makes them even more angry and resentful and unwilling to do the right thing.....it's like a kid throwing the toy from the highchair. is mommy gonna pick it up?
another example which she gave i absolutely love:
you can tell who has the power in a relationship by who gets up and closes the window when someone says "it's cold in here."
heh.
book is good. see if library has.