I know I married an alcoholic. We have two young children - 2 years, and 7 months old, and I also have an 8 year old son who lives with us. I used to use alcohol as much as he does, but I have stopped completely as it was beginning to affect my kids' lives. He is not stopping. He is not violent, and he has stopped drinking every day. But he has started something brand new. He is now going out during the week, instead of drinking here at home. I wake up in the middle of the night, and he is not home. I had to ask several times, but he (tonight) finally called my phone and left me a message to tell me he was going out. He thinks I am trying to control his drinking, which has been true in the past. But now I am at the point, having returned to the knowledge that I am codependent and need to work on myself, that I do not want to live the life of a wife whose husband goes out drinking after work. He used to be a teacher, and had a work schedule similar to my own. Now, he has quit teaching to try to start his own business. Until the money starts to come in, he is working as a waiter/bartender at night. He has made new acquaintances at this job - younger people, without families, money in their pocket (we are supposed to be saving every penny to get through the start of the new business), etc. In the last 11 days, he has gone out drinking after work 4 times. It's only been four times, but I'm not foolish enough to think it will stop soon. I may hope it will, but know it won't. Anyway, when do you walk away? My kids are so little - the baby isn't even a year. I've been through divorce in the past, and my ex-counselor felt I should have waited until my baby at the time was past the pre-verbal stage. So, I am worried about what damage leaving might do to my kids. It's only been four times, but I don't want to go down this road any longer than I have to. I love him, of course, he's a good guy. Three hours ago, when he was still at work and told me he was planning on coming home after work tonight, I thought I could do this for another five years when the babies would be older, in school even, and I could go back to work full time without guilt. But as I lie awake, in the middle of the night, I don't think I even want to wait one year. What do you all think? I have been quick to leave other marriages/relationships - I'm a runner. So I don't want to leave if that's why I'm doing it. I think this is different - I'm definitely healthier this time around. How long should I do this?
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