Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
The more I learn, the more sensitive I become to healthy and unhealthy ways of dealing with things in myself and in others.
I have this guy on my team - a small team of 8 - he's obviously stressed... and alternates between sweet and over the top pleasant, and swings back with not-so-hidden sarcastic criticism.
Over the past couple of years, I have tried to support him - but in the end, I have given in too much, and nothing ever makes him happy. Generally, the whole team walks on eggshells around the guy, and he just seems to feed on the attention and drama.
Like many who struggle this way, he is also highly intelligent, and can twist and turn with the best of them, so direct dialogue with him is really tough - but I am still trying.
I am just drained. We had another run in today during a team call - he was getting his digs in about something or other, and as I tried to address his points, he changed his points (remaining problematic) - and eventually pulled some comment about how things have been "this way for years".
I am trying to use our company's coaching and human resources processes and policies... but beyond all the formal work stuff, this all just bugs me deep down, I guess because I can relate to him to some degree - but am tired of it, and maybe because I am learning what I am learning, I am so much less tolerant of people being passive-aggressive and controlling.
Have any of you had this experience as you heal? Where your personal tolerance level shifts? It is really hard to handle.
Now I have to have those conversations that I really hate to have... and it's not like he's gonna admit it - "oh yeah, I am passive-aggressive and have control issues". And even when I try really hard to be direct and honest - as I am tasked to do with my role - I still don't think I am direct enough.
Any tips? Or at least, can anyone relate?
I have this guy on my team - a small team of 8 - he's obviously stressed... and alternates between sweet and over the top pleasant, and swings back with not-so-hidden sarcastic criticism.
Over the past couple of years, I have tried to support him - but in the end, I have given in too much, and nothing ever makes him happy. Generally, the whole team walks on eggshells around the guy, and he just seems to feed on the attention and drama.
Like many who struggle this way, he is also highly intelligent, and can twist and turn with the best of them, so direct dialogue with him is really tough - but I am still trying.
I am just drained. We had another run in today during a team call - he was getting his digs in about something or other, and as I tried to address his points, he changed his points (remaining problematic) - and eventually pulled some comment about how things have been "this way for years".
I am trying to use our company's coaching and human resources processes and policies... but beyond all the formal work stuff, this all just bugs me deep down, I guess because I can relate to him to some degree - but am tired of it, and maybe because I am learning what I am learning, I am so much less tolerant of people being passive-aggressive and controlling.
Have any of you had this experience as you heal? Where your personal tolerance level shifts? It is really hard to handle.
Now I have to have those conversations that I really hate to have... and it's not like he's gonna admit it - "oh yeah, I am passive-aggressive and have control issues". And even when I try really hard to be direct and honest - as I am tasked to do with my role - I still don't think I am direct enough.
Any tips? Or at least, can anyone relate?
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
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Has anyone tried these supplements? Do they give MGers more quality of life by improving memory and overall well being?Thanks!Barbel
Perhaps when he starts changing points and making you uneasy you could just say something like, "I'm not sure you are clear on what you are trying to point out. I'm going to address some other issues so you can sort out the specifics and then I will come back to your concerns in a few minutes." or something like that?
As an update - I faced this mess today on a call with him. I let him know that his behavior is effecting the team, and he needs to find more direct ways to communicate his needs.
I made a commitment to provide more direct feedback more frequently.
He's not a happy camper - but at least things are out in the open.
It just caught me off guard how sensitive I have become to these types of behaviors. I use to be overly tolerant and unable to face conflict.
I am getting better - but it still feels REALLY BIG to me. Bigger than it probably is in actuality. Who knows.
If he's that intelligent, he knows what he is doing. With his "Stop" stuff I would simply approach it by saying, "You may not be aware of how much people look up to you and admire you, you are the role model on this team. So, when you make statements like........., it really brings the team down.
It worked for me, hopefully it will work for you.