Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
I just got out of a codepenent friend relationship where the unwritten rules were, that I would drop everything I was doing and help my friend with the latest crisis. I cared more about her feelings than my own and didn't even see that the relationship was unhealthy until she started bad mouthing my husband to me and choosing to take offense at anything he did or said when it was not intended. Now she is going around telling all our "mutual friends" what a horrible man my husband is. I am so upset that she would do this in light of all that he has done for her, helping her with her various crisis and problems and putting up with the constant phone calls, emotionalism, and drama this friendship has added to his life.
I wish I didn't feel so bitter right now, but I do. I want to forgive her and move past this but at the same time keep my distance because I know if I get back in a friendship with her she will not respect my relationship with my spouse and will expect the same unwavering devotion to her feelings that I had formerly to her.
The scary thing is I didn't even see how wrapped up and invested in her life I was. The friendship didn't start this way, it was a gradual decline. I've done this with friends a number of times in my life. How do I keep certain friendships in the future from degenerating into unhealthy codependent relationships? How to I recognize when the line has been crossed? I'm really worried I may do this again with someone else and not even see it.
Any advice?
I wish I didn't feel so bitter right now, but I do. I want to forgive her and move past this but at the same time keep my distance because I know if I get back in a friendship with her she will not respect my relationship with my spouse and will expect the same unwavering devotion to her feelings that I had formerly to her.
The scary thing is I didn't even see how wrapped up and invested in her life I was. The friendship didn't start this way, it was a gradual decline. I've done this with friends a number of times in my life. How do I keep certain friendships in the future from degenerating into unhealthy codependent relationships? How to I recognize when the line has been crossed? I'm really worried I may do this again with someone else and not even see it.
Any advice?
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
al anon, although started for families and friends of alcoholics, is for codpendents as well. it's changed my life.
there is also "coda"
blessings to you!
We don't have this happen overnight, but that is okay as there is no race on our process. I think as you do your work, you will be pleasantly surprised at what you recognize in yourself.
Our dialogue changes too. Instead of instantly saying yes, we practice saying "I will think about it and get back to you" for an example. We bide our time a bit, to make sure that we are doing things for the right reasons.When we find ourselves too attached to the outcome, that is a signal for us to pause and reconsider.
Blessings..
EllaBlue
I am so proud of you. You are learning to set "boundaries."
I loved the book "Co-dependent no more" and I also like another book which very much... although I don't really like the title,
It is by David Richo, "How to be an adult." I especially like the section
A Checklist for boundaries in relationships. It really helped me understand what is appropriate and what is not. Like most co-dependents, I made excuses for inappropriate behavior and put myself last.
You are on the way to a happy,healthy life.
God Bless you!
Great advice! Being too attached to the outcome is a wonderful gauge for keeping ourselves in check.