
Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...

deleted_user
Well done really well this weekend. On the one hand I am trying to learn and control my actions of co-dependency. I am trying to know what to do next, but I guess I managed to screw that up as well.
Heres what I did. My Girlfriend was going to aconference which I was invited to but declined, as I was going to have productive weekend. Then a guy who works on a project with her, that I question her about endlessly, started to flirt on SKYPE with her. I know this because I read her conversation (this really hurt in itself) I found out he was going to conference and threw a massive issue about, this was the precursor to the big incident that I reported in another post that ended up with me pushing (hitting, becasue it was force but not striking, know its not better but need to be clear) her.
The friday she went was awful, and in my mind I thought if this guy had just kept his stupid 'oh we can have some time togwther' and 'hey why dont we have a shower together' comments to himself I wouldnt feel so ill. I was angry with my GF for not rebuking him, but just saying "oh you're so brave on Skype" which i took as 'c'mon try it for real'. He flatters her endlessly and she takes an interest in his new relationship and asks how its going..this I take as threatening to me.
She doesnt hide her skype, although absolutely not okay for me to go on them. I was so angry and pointless (and selfish) on Friday I asked him to add me as a contact, he wasnt online so the request stayed unanswered. I was going to tell him to back off. I didnt type it even though I could have done and it would have been there for him today when he logged on.
The weekend was a disaster emotionally, I kept coming onlinbe and trying to block my fears of what was going at the conference (my invitation was withdrawn due to my actions of the other day, even though I begged like a child to go) GF came back last nigh (Sunday) and was really stressed, she is director of the conference and had to look after all the delegates.
The conversation inevitably went onto the 'colleague' and my questions started, "where did you sleep? Did he flirt with you? Did he ask about me? Did you talk about me? Why are you talking to him about relationships (as not doing so with anyone else?" the conversation got angry just like it had, but I was able to control my physical actions if not some words,although I got hold of myself pretty fast. Yetwhen the dust settled I kep getting this nagging feeling that I wasnt being told everything. Its rubbish not based on fact, not based on any sense of reality just on me, my selfish fear and my waiting for the bomb to drop. It is also based on the fact that I have not been a loyal partner in previous relationships. I guess I am judging by my standards.
I determined that to day I would be my 'better self' that I would acknowledge how sick I am, and plan further for my help. It started good, she held my hand in bed, I felt her warmth. It shouldnt have made me feel like King but it did. It always does. So what do I do, on the way to our office, we share, I asked again about this other guy. She sighed and said here we go again, the pain inside me, the fear of 'crap, I need to ask but I know its damaging' was massive. It passed and we came in. I switched my computer on, and the guy had accepted my response to be added as a contact.
I could have just ignored it, blocked it, instead I did a stupid co-dependent thing. I messaged him, thanking him for adding me. Telling him that it is my GF and I's 2 year anniv soon and could he reccomend a hotel in his area. Just to mark my territory! Just to be really sick. Of course for me this was so much better than what I was going to do the other day. GF came in as I was typing on computer and went balistic. I mean blaistic.
We went out of office and onto stairwell, she hit me and scratched me. I have taken the loveliest woman you could imagine and poisoned her. She said how dangerous I am. That she will warn all her friends to ignore me.
I didnt get angry really, which was good. I controlled my mouth, and apologised as calmly as I could and said that I am only 24 hours from starting getting help. She sayss I am dual personality and should be locked up, that I am taking her to places she never imagined and that it will take her years to recover.
I made it clear that whatever she wants to do I will support. I really am starting over, I can feel it. She is damaged and needs as much support as I do, maybe more. Today, I said, I will at least be honest, and I will not blame her for my illness. I havent, I take responsibilty for my life for my actions.... others have contributed but I will not allow this pain to carry on. Whatever it atkes I will do.
Should I get residential treatment? I want to avoid drugs as have had addictions before? What the XXXX do i do now?
She says I need physcho help not counselling, I should be locked up. I know it sounds really bad but I feel a lot better...I am letting go I think. And feel proud about controlling anger.
Heres what I did. My Girlfriend was going to aconference which I was invited to but declined, as I was going to have productive weekend. Then a guy who works on a project with her, that I question her about endlessly, started to flirt on SKYPE with her. I know this because I read her conversation (this really hurt in itself) I found out he was going to conference and threw a massive issue about, this was the precursor to the big incident that I reported in another post that ended up with me pushing (hitting, becasue it was force but not striking, know its not better but need to be clear) her.
The friday she went was awful, and in my mind I thought if this guy had just kept his stupid 'oh we can have some time togwther' and 'hey why dont we have a shower together' comments to himself I wouldnt feel so ill. I was angry with my GF for not rebuking him, but just saying "oh you're so brave on Skype" which i took as 'c'mon try it for real'. He flatters her endlessly and she takes an interest in his new relationship and asks how its going..this I take as threatening to me.
She doesnt hide her skype, although absolutely not okay for me to go on them. I was so angry and pointless (and selfish) on Friday I asked him to add me as a contact, he wasnt online so the request stayed unanswered. I was going to tell him to back off. I didnt type it even though I could have done and it would have been there for him today when he logged on.
The weekend was a disaster emotionally, I kept coming onlinbe and trying to block my fears of what was going at the conference (my invitation was withdrawn due to my actions of the other day, even though I begged like a child to go) GF came back last nigh (Sunday) and was really stressed, she is director of the conference and had to look after all the delegates.
The conversation inevitably went onto the 'colleague' and my questions started, "where did you sleep? Did he flirt with you? Did he ask about me? Did you talk about me? Why are you talking to him about relationships (as not doing so with anyone else?" the conversation got angry just like it had, but I was able to control my physical actions if not some words,although I got hold of myself pretty fast. Yetwhen the dust settled I kep getting this nagging feeling that I wasnt being told everything. Its rubbish not based on fact, not based on any sense of reality just on me, my selfish fear and my waiting for the bomb to drop. It is also based on the fact that I have not been a loyal partner in previous relationships. I guess I am judging by my standards.
I determined that to day I would be my 'better self' that I would acknowledge how sick I am, and plan further for my help. It started good, she held my hand in bed, I felt her warmth. It shouldnt have made me feel like King but it did. It always does. So what do I do, on the way to our office, we share, I asked again about this other guy. She sighed and said here we go again, the pain inside me, the fear of 'crap, I need to ask but I know its damaging' was massive. It passed and we came in. I switched my computer on, and the guy had accepted my response to be added as a contact.
I could have just ignored it, blocked it, instead I did a stupid co-dependent thing. I messaged him, thanking him for adding me. Telling him that it is my GF and I's 2 year anniv soon and could he reccomend a hotel in his area. Just to mark my territory! Just to be really sick. Of course for me this was so much better than what I was going to do the other day. GF came in as I was typing on computer and went balistic. I mean blaistic.
We went out of office and onto stairwell, she hit me and scratched me. I have taken the loveliest woman you could imagine and poisoned her. She said how dangerous I am. That she will warn all her friends to ignore me.
I didnt get angry really, which was good. I controlled my mouth, and apologised as calmly as I could and said that I am only 24 hours from starting getting help. She sayss I am dual personality and should be locked up, that I am taking her to places she never imagined and that it will take her years to recover.
I made it clear that whatever she wants to do I will support. I really am starting over, I can feel it. She is damaged and needs as much support as I do, maybe more. Today, I said, I will at least be honest, and I will not blame her for my illness. I havent, I take responsibilty for my life for my actions.... others have contributed but I will not allow this pain to carry on. Whatever it atkes I will do.
Should I get residential treatment? I want to avoid drugs as have had addictions before? What the XXXX do i do now?
She says I need physcho help not counselling, I should be locked up. I know it sounds really bad but I feel a lot better...I am letting go I think. And feel proud about controlling anger.
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
That is scary stuff.
Always good to succeed in keeping your own anger in check!
Counseling HELPS immensely and I really hope that you get that for yourself!
yes, you have issues, but she does as well.
no need to play the blame game with each other, but you both need help.
counseling will help.
you are both playing with fire and one, if not both of you, are going to get burned.
i don't know what your laws are there but she certainly has legal action against you in the U.S.
you need to get ahold of yourself.
walking away when things get hot prevent escalation.
as to reading her stuff and getting involved in all of that.....know the myth of pandora's box? that box is what you have just opened. and i know from experience it is near impossible to put the lid back on it. it is near impossible to find the bottom of that box.
that box, as a dear friend told me, is yourself.
i hope you find peace and strength and clarity, but it's not just going to come knocking.....
blessings.