I must be truely feeling the lows of the lows.. I am sitting here at my desk catching myself staring at this guy across the shop. He not all that great looking, but I can already fantasie a relationship with him like I know the man, even desire to make that relationship real.. Why are emotion affairs so easie to fall in, realistic I know this cannot happen, I am married to a good man and have a child. I am having so much trouble controling these thoughts.
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I am almost to depressed to write this. I'm not tired but all I want to do is lie on my bed and do nothing. I have a lot of work to do. I'm doing therapy, taking meds, trying not to isolate. I did a meditation this morning. Music isn't uplifting me. I don't know why, I just can't be motivated to do anything...anything.Ever feel that way? what helps you get moving?
I have to get this out because I have to tell someone that would understand and not judge me for what I'm about to say. On my way home from work yesterday I had scary thoughts. Like major freak out scary thoughts, that until yesterday I had never had...I'm still shaken, my hands are shaking typing this. I started wondering "let's try cutting a slice, not deep, but a superficial cut on the thigh...