Call it tough love.
It sounds as if he does not have the respect for you as a parent that he should. Stick to your guns.

I had to do that with my daughter. Basically looked her in the eye and said - no more of this s#&t!. I layed out the rules. She broke them, and I followed through.
Did I feel guilty - yes. But it was for her own good.
Rules are rules.

Good for you for sticking to your boundaries!

I think maybe it doesn't feel right because we train ourselves to do it the other way and we get comfortable with it. I keep hearing it gets easier with practice. So maybe it is just a matter of doing it until it becomes more of a habit and then evolves into something we are comfortable with.

Don't know if this will help, but my counselor told me and my daughter this. I too was feeling guilty and being rather inconsistent, well it's gotten to the point that being blamed for her disappointment in life, got to be a little overwhelming. Just last night counselor said, "You're room isn't clean and chores aren't done, mom's rules aren't being followed? YOU daughter CHOSE to not go to so and so's house or to be without television." She really had to emphasize for me that I had no reason to feel guilty, she's not following the guidelines, and really pushing the parent/child boundaries with me....natural consequences for inappropriate behavior. God it is hard and I feel your pain, but giving them permission to choose is what's best for teaching them how not to walk all over other human beings. *hugs*

I know that this is very hard. My son was ADHD/CAPD and was oppositional most of the time. Because of my codepency, for a while, he saw himself as the adult and me the child. After parenting classes and counseling, I learned to set appropriate boundaries. Yes, I had to leave my son out a night or two. It started slowly by leaving him outside until about 3 or 4. Then I had to leave him out allnight. You are correct, there is a lot of hurt and confusion of feelings, but doing the right thing will prevail.

Hi vgill...yes a codependent person and a MOM would feel this way hun. Of course this is hard. Try to remember or rather look ahead at the "results" that you want. You are teaching your child about boundaries and consequences and that really is a gift that you are giving him. One day he will thank you. Allowing our children to walk all over us is not good for them, and it is not good for us. Surely they don't like it, and with change comes some "acting out" behaviors. Eventually as we stick to our word, they GET that we mean it, and that is good.

Kids pay attention at any age. They know just what to say or do to wear us down. And they learn just how we will respond. Yes, they are very manipulative.

Hold on, and remember, you are doing the right thing. Some of those things that are the BEST thing for everyone, are the hardest to do.
(((Hugs)))
EllaBlue

Hi vgill...yes a codependent person and a MOM would feel this way hun. Of course this is hard. Try to remember or rather look ahead at the "results" that you want. You are teaching your child about boundaries and consequences and that really is a gift that you are giving him. One day he will thank you. Allowing our children to walk all over us is not good for them, and it is not good for us. Surely they don't like it, and with change comes some "acting out" behaviors. Eventually as we stick to our word, they GET that we mean it, and that is good.

Kids pay attention at any age. They know just what to say or do to wear us down. And they learn just how we will respond. Yes, they are very manipulative.

Hold on, and remember, you are doing the right thing. Some of those things that are the BEST thing for everyone, are the hardest to do.
(((Hugs)))
EllaBlue

Just a update..Ben has been locked out since Thursday. I can't even believe I have stuck to my guns. He called yesterday. Could he sleep here tonight if he promises to go to school tomorrow. I said yes..BUT..he will be leaving in the morning when I do..and if he doesn't go to school on Monday..he WILL be locked out again. and I mean it! and WOW! does it ever feel good to finally mean what I say! Progress! yipee!

*clapping* Applause to you to shove out that debilitating and nasty self created guilt! Keep up the good work; he'll get it sooner or later...and we're all praying, for you, that it is sooner than latter.

it's parenthood at well. we want to protect our children from the consequences of their behavior.
but the consequences of the behavior is the only way we learn.
you are doing the right thing b/c obviously you are changing the way you are doing things.
resistance will be there but if you vigilantly enforce those boundaries eventually they are respected.
eventually may mean a long time, but it gets easier.