Grieving is a hard place, because it seems like there is a never ending list, and all the feelings that go with it. But it is what gets me feeling better afterwards.

I would have to agree that we get stuck in the denial stage. It's training the "this was how it was suppose to be's" vs. "this is reality". I use to say my hope-o-meter was not working properly, because I holding on to hope was all I had left toward the situation or circumstance evolving into what I wanted or needed them to be. Now the only thing I hope for is mercy and understanding.

Yeah, that " Denial" stage sucks. I was in denial for the past three years. Now, all I want to do is see and hear the truth no matter how bad it is so that I can deal with it. At least it will be the truth, and within that truth I will also find emotional healing, realistic expectations, and real, reciprocated, true love. I will never give up on the ideal that God will bless me with a soulmate that truly loves, respects, and values me. I know that it is my responsibility to love myself first.

I love it - "realistic expectations". And boy can I relate to that defective "hope-o-meter" Justice Reigns. What an imaginary universe I would build for myself. I was a dreamy, romantic as a child with a tendency to make up stories. Then I became a lonely adult who made up stories to myself.

I just have to tread lightly and take the middle of the road. God's road. One day at a time.

There is a long list Tigpie. For me, sometimes it can be hard to decipher what feelings I'm processing and why. Although I can't always see the grieving while it's happening, I can acknowledge that it's happening. It will be made clear in time. And it gets clearer, whenever I accept what I'm going through.

I think a big part of it for me, which may not be applicable to every codependent, is that I used fantasy in order to escape my environment. If our brains didn't have this ability and we had to face some of the most harsh realities and horrible childhoods, I don't believe we could manage. Unfortunately what tends to happens is that we end up using this mechanism in our adult lives, have a set of expectations based on fantasies and storybooks, and then we are disappointed when the reality doesn't match our fantasy. This is called, " The Cinderalla Complex". Most girls and boys experience the " Damsel in distress or Superhero" complex to a certain degree, but then grow out of it. We didn't. The greiving process is very different for each person. The love addict compares the loss of a relationship as an actual type of death. People who date frequently and in a healthy manner are able to assess their reality, make healthy decisions, and move on appropriately. That's what I'm aiming for.

Try this.. focusing on all that stuff occupies your mind. It gets "rent free space in your brain." Things happen... they just do. Think of them in terms of non-duality. They are neither good nor bad.. they just are. They do not require getting over, denying, being angry about them, bargaining, sadness or acceptance... they just happened... don't waste the energy. GOD BLESS.

I don't feel that grief is a requirement, nor is is much of a choice. It's natural, like eating or sleeping. To receive nutrients I must eat, to feel rested I must sleep, to heal from losses I must grieve. If I deny my hunger, sleep, or pain from losses - it's self-inflicted deprivation.

I agree Elise.