Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
I'm a Giver, so most of my painful relationships were with Takers. I would get emotionally involved, because I didn't see the pattern that the Takers used on me. I was very naive, so I believed that the part people showed me was the truth. Takers seemed to be the opposite; noticing my voids and playing on them.
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
I know I too struggle with it. I have gotten really downtrodden in being used by 'takers' but we do teach people how to treat us especially when we keep giving to those who are only taking.
most specifically what's appropriate to want to be given????
help!
interesting topic.
1. Is it a want or a need...ask and thou shall receive. So if you asked and it is given-say "Thank you" and leave it at that.
ie: --This happened just yesterday--My landlord wanted to do something nice for us, she offered to reduce decembers rent and stated that she just wanted to give us a nice christmas. Because we've been struggling & fallen behind before, I said, "No I can't do that", she replied why, do you not know how to receive or say yes?
2. Exercising our NO muscle with others that manipulate. If you don't know who those people in your life are, get the book "emotional blackmail". This is difficult, but it can be fun. Muscles all over our bodies are not developed with out resistance training. So be aware, there will be resistance. If you don't have it to give, stating the obvious, "No, I can't help with that" is sufficient. It deserves no extra explaination. Why we feel we "have to explain anything" is beyond me. Maybe it's the "I won't be liked, I won't be admired, wanting another's approval...whatever....I'm guilty as charged, when a simple NO, sorry I can't would be absolutely appropriate.
3. If it doesn't feel right, don't give-you will only resent doing so later. I have done extensive laps on this one. You never give to someone who threatens you. For example, "If you loved me, you'd understand my need". This is manipulation-and you giving will prove no such love to that person period. Stating "This is what I have to offer or can offer" is establishing your limits. We all have limits and when people respect our limits, that builds trust. So I've heard....lastly-if it meets a need and is given freely, without strings attached or needing to jump through someone else's hoops, you know it is a gift, either that you've chosen to give or receive. It sounds so simple, but exercising it, is not. Good luck you all are in my thoughts and prayers.