Hi All, I'm a young woman who's a recovering codependent who's looking for somewhere to connect, support others and be supported around this "disease". I've had it for all my life I guess and it's been in all my relationships. At work, home and with friends. I'm currently dealing with it in relation to several friends, my boyfriend and workmates. I give too much of myself away ... always helping, being of service, feeling good because I'm a "giver" and getting some sick payoff that I'm a "good" person but the truth is I'm very bad to myself. I do this stuff to cover over the fear that if I don't I might get abandoned. And that really hurts. I can't even imagine being loved and being not coming to people's rescue the whole time, especially those I love. I guess I was taught to be this way by my folks who were like that themselves. It runs so deep. Its really scary when I think about it. I need to be aware of it all the time. Keep telling myself that I'm loveable if I don't save, help or encourage someone. I'm practising some new behaviours at the moment, such as not talking so much and covering up the natural silences in conversation by trying to ease the anxiety by yabbering away about myself. Llike I want to deflect the tension in the uncomfortable silence. And not telling everyone about everything all the time. I notice that other people are much more reserved than me, and seem kind of dignified which I don't feel at all. Does anyone feel the same way? I feel like I need to stop wasting my energy on other people to somehow lessen the anxiety I feel that they might abandon me if I don't focus totally on them. Please let me know if this sounds familiar to you. I'm so grateful to be here. Thanks for reading this :-)
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