This is so stupid. I've always been told that I need to be alone for a while before getting into another relationship, and while that may have been true because I do feel much stronger when I know that I really can't rely on anyone else, I got married almost two months ago--less than two months after my previous relationship ended. Now, honestly, the other relationship had been over for years, but still...I should have done something to get myself on track, but it's too late for that now. I didn't think I would go back down this codependent road because I have been in Al-Anon. Yet, here I am thinking that he's leaving me, worrying that I'm not good enough or too much trouble. He swears he loves me, and I know that he does. I found one of the good ones, so why can't I just realize that and allow our relationship some breathing room? Well, he's fiercely independent, which is attractive and at the same time, scary as hell. I get jealous of the time that he spends away from me, no matter what the reason. The only time I don't feel that way is when I'm working. There are times that I hate him for needing his space, even though I know that that is healthy for all relationships. But I get anxious about everything. For instance, my husband recently had surgery, so he's on pain meds, and I get freaked out because I worry that he's going to get addicted. I worry that our lack of intimacy (caused by the pain meds) is more than just a side effect. And I worry that all the drama in our lives will be the death of what is otherwise a great relationship. How do I find that strong woman that I know is inside me and has the capacity to be more than this?
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