I am recently out of an unhealthy relationship of 5 1/2 years. My ex is an addict/abuser who has been using for the majority of those years. I discovered in myself that when it comes to him I want to be his 'saving grace'. He grew up in a very dysfunctional home. No stable parent, rampid drug use, no supervision or family support. His father has chosen to never be in his life and his mother would always pick her current bf or hubby over her kids. Or in some cases take them to an abusive home with her where him and his sister would run away to grandmas where the situation was still bad but somewhat better. It took a couple of years for him to trust me and then it was to a point that I didn't trust him. There were lies about money and time spent always to cover for the drug abuse. He used to say he never trusted anyone because they would end up leaving. His mother died when he was 16 of cancer and his grandmother died when he was 17. Since that time he has pretty much been on his own. I want to be the steadfast person that he can depend on but I know that the relationship is toxic. He had times when he would curse and rant at me for going out with friends. Or he would pout like a two year old and tell me I didn't love him. He has taken more from me than any other person. Every time we split I say it will be the last time and then he tells me what I want to hear and I believe him and he comes back. The last time was the worst, he pulled a gun on me and threatened to take my children. In my heart I know they were idle threats but I had to protect myself so I took an EPO out against him. We went to court and the judge ordered me to open my home once a week for visitation with our child. Ordered me to classes and him as well...which both of us have failed to do so we are in contempt of court currently. But I have such mixed emotions about him being in my home. I know he needs a relationship with his daughter but this is so fresh and he is in make-up mode so he is being really sweet and saying all the right things. I don't want to go back to us how we were. I don't know if I want us back at all. He is pressuring me every week though and its hard to keep telling him no. He makes me feel guilty for the things that he has done. I'm again stuck on the last time but not sure if I can hold strong.
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