Yes my family did that to me. Actually, the last 2 long term relationships I had were with abusive men. I spent holidays without my family because of their feelings toward these men and my inability to see the abuse. I think it is called tough love. Well, in retrospect in my situations, they were right, i was wrong. In my current situation I have a similar issue to deal with, i stood up to my exbf who is emotionally abusive, which his family has seen for the last 6 yrs and have told me to leave him. When I finally stood up and walked away, they turned their backs on me. One day after the hurt is gone, I think I will be happy they did. Today, I hurt by their actions.

When people love you, it is hard for them to stand by you and watch you get hurt. They are only hoping they mean more to you than being in an unhealthy relationship. It isn't necessarily being strong to stand up to them and continue the same behavior. That's generally denial. It takes strength to admit they are right and only want the best for you and ask them for help.

well..perhaps there approach might not be the best..but honestly..they are saying these things because they care about you and do not want you to be abused by this guy anymore. I have said some pretty harsh things things to my son out of desperation...I didn't mean them..but I would have said anything if it would stop him from doing the thing I knew would hurt him. Know what I mean?

I know that is probably not the answer you wanted..

SOunds like they may have detached themselves, and are setting up healthy boundaries for themselves. It is hard to see someone you care about subject themselves to a painful relationship.
Still love Ya! And I am sure they do to.

I am thankful that my family has never been one to be like that; however, they have spoken their peace but then told me they would stand behind me 100% and be there for me always. It really helped knowing that, although I knew they were sadly disappointed with me. You family and friends just want you to be safe and they know that the relationship is not helping and they are hoping by blackmailing you; you will choose them over him, in reality it doesn't work that way. You have to come to terms with it yourself and in your time not theirs. I would recommend that you tell them that you appreciate them caring enough and loving you enough but that you hope they will be there for you no matter what and they understand this is your life and you must make your own decisions. If it is a mistake then so be it, it is one that you must make. If they still pull that "black mailing stuff" then I would just tell them "I'm sorry that you feel you must do this and know that I love you very much but again this is my life". You must feel very hurt by all of this but stand your ground because they are truly doing it because they do love you, but it is something we must all learn ourselves. Good luck and best wishes.

I think it is emotional blackmail only if they are saying that to get you to alter your behavior.

In my case, I have in the past had to separate from family members who went back to physically abusive partners or continued to abuse themselves, because it was too painful for me to stay involved and watch it. I did not have the boundaries to just be there without feeling their pain or trying to rescue. I would become depressed. So I had to set a physical boundary.

I would expect no less from people in my life if it were I who were doing this. That would be their right and I would understand why they were doing it. Of course, I would welcome a friend with good boundaries who could take it, but those are few and probably have a lot of recovery themselves.

Of course, I do not know your particulars in this case, TL.