of course hes going to say your psycho for checking on him,but you KNOW in your gut if somethings going on,if your not ready to go then sit back and keep your eyes peeled,what ever is going on if anything is going on it WILL be found,I was in a relationship and I just felt in my gut he was cheating,had absolutly no proof,but I just kept checking and watching(without him knowing I was watching and checking)and sure enough it came out,it took a year but it came out,he was good at lying and sneaking,but my point is if your not ready but you feel like this is a bad relationship,read "codependent no more by Melody Beattie" and keep your eyes peeled,work on you and be aware it will either work out or it will show up.Hope this made sense and Im here if you need,just look me up any time.
fruitfly

Thanks for the advice. He had no idea I was checking on how many condoms he had, but I need to catch him in the act. My friend just bought me that book...it must be a good one! Thanks for the advice, it really helps!

I can understand where you're coming from, I went through the same "checking" process. It's like you have to have the physical proof so that if you leave, you know you did it because of proof and not because of a "gut feeling." I finally got to a point where even though I was not functioning well without him, I was even MORE non-functional with him in my life. I miss the companionship and there are still days now when I'm lonely. But I definitely do not miss the unhealthy relationship I had with him. I have broken away from that and I started taking care of MYSELF so that when I do find someone to share companionship with, I will be in a healthy frame of mind. Stay strong girlie and yes, read that book! I did and it really helped!

The scariest part of this is the fact that I couldn't function w/o him in my life. I grew stronger, then went back, and now I feel myself slipping again. It's so hard to stay focused on yourself, but at least I'm trying.

Wow, that checking thing really hits home. I am the same way- It's like I don't trust ME to prove to ME what happened. I had the same kind of experince in a long term relationship-in fact, I hate to admit, I still am in a way with the same person...but now we are "friends" and not lovers. we even went to counseling to get to the root of our true relationship which turned out to be friendship...but there are STILL issues of lying, manipulating(that person to me, not me to that person) and I still feel like I am putting more into the relationship that anyone should.Why can't I just walk away?

I'm totally with all of you on this one. Here is what my therapist suggested for me to do (although it takes courage)
In order to trust someone there are 4 steps and if he truly want to build a trusting relationship,he will accept it.
1)Speak it (meaning intentions, feelings of love and trust)
2)provide measurable evidence that you can trust him (ie:bring a dated receipt back from his business trip out of town)
3)Thank him and appreciate it.
4)Repeat these 3 steps thousands of time (exaggerated to make a point)

My current bf,would probaly flip out if I asked him for a receipt.He is proud and thinks I should just trust him!!based on what he says!! (no way) I've done that before and won't do it again (hopefully)
Hope we can practice these steps as part of our recovery and being good to ourselves.