
Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...

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My ex was indifferent and had no empathy. He was very self centered, outright deceitful and unfaithful. I left 4 months ago feeling so small that it will take quite some time to pull myself back up. Why do I still have this little delusion that this narcissist might really be a decent person and that I am the one who is not a decent person? How is it possible that I can actually take responsibility for someone being cruel to me? It is almost like I feel if he did it I must have deserved it. I was sincere in my feelings towards him and I do not understand why I beat myself up over someone else doing things that are wrong and hurtful. Is this common with codependency or am I trying to drive myself crazy?
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this is super common in codependency.stems from childhood coping mechanisms.
the good news is, you are aware of it.....
new life starts today, huh?
welcome!
My doc explained it to me once like this. Narcissist's are like a fire. They feed on people that feed the fire. As soon as you stop feeding that fire they try other ways to feed it. If you are not capable of feeding it then they find someone else who will. I thought that was a really good description. (This was before the breakup). I decided to find out what her "fire or fires" in her case were. I managed to identify a few, one of them being control. Once I removed that "fuel" (by taking her control over me away, and started making my own decisions, she went insane. As I identified more of them I removed them. It got to the point where she was desparate to find something. This is what lead to the affairs, and the separation and divorce. I know now she had the affairs to try and get me back under control. when it backfired, she was completely confused.
The first two affairs I gave in and stuck around for the kids. The third was the final one. Now what put it into perspective for me was an argument we had over the phone. She demanded I come back to her, and I refused. After trying the usual "I'm your friend" then the I'm your enemy" tactics she openly said "How manytimes did I F#%K around on you and you always came crawling back? Why won't you now?"
There were times where I felt responsible for some of what happened, but I managed to work my way throught it.
YOu have no responsibility to assume, so please do not fall into this trap. Because that is what it is. A trap to get you back in.
Don't feed the fire.