if you're feeling it, it's possible. anything is possible.
this is super common in codependency.stems from childhood coping mechanisms.
the good news is, you are aware of it.....
new life starts today, huh?
welcome!

There is a book called Women who love to much. It really helped me understand why I felt that way. I wish I could remember the author but you could look it up. It will help you so much!

Remember, you were with a narcissist! That's a whole differnt story! They are snakes and they use you and take from you until there is no more to take and then they move on. They are very charming and suck you in at first to make you think you are so important, but actually, they have seen something in you that they can use and take. They make you feel terrible in the end...once you realize what you put up with for so long, but you can't blame yourself. We like to think that all people are good and honest and it's so hard to realize that these narcissits have no compassion. They don't care if they hurt you. They like to do that. I could go on and on. It's not you sweetie....it's them. Let him go....rebuild your self-esteem...and you will find better things!

I agree with Breathe1971's reply. I was married to one for 7 years. You get sucked dry, they decide to move on and you are sitting there wondering what happened. Now that I have been out of the relationship for a while I can see what was happening, and why I was so drained. The more she took, the more I gave. When I ran out, she moved on.

My doc explained it to me once like this. Narcissist's are like a fire. They feed on people that feed the fire. As soon as you stop feeding that fire they try other ways to feed it. If you are not capable of feeding it then they find someone else who will. I thought that was a really good description. (This was before the breakup). I decided to find out what her "fire or fires" in her case were. I managed to identify a few, one of them being control. Once I removed that "fuel" (by taking her control over me away, and started making my own decisions, she went insane. As I identified more of them I removed them. It got to the point where she was desparate to find something. This is what lead to the affairs, and the separation and divorce. I know now she had the affairs to try and get me back under control. when it backfired, she was completely confused.

The first two affairs I gave in and stuck around for the kids. The third was the final one. Now what put it into perspective for me was an argument we had over the phone. She demanded I come back to her, and I refused. After trying the usual "I'm your friend" then the I'm your enemy" tactics she openly said "How manytimes did I F#%K around on you and you always came crawling back? Why won't you now?"

There were times where I felt responsible for some of what happened, but I managed to work my way throught it.

YOu have no responsibility to assume, so please do not fall into this trap. Because that is what it is. A trap to get you back in.

Don't feed the fire.

my gosh lisadj, I could have wrote this myself. I'm pretty much in the same sinking boat that I feel half the time I'm the one poking holes in the boat.