Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
I don't know whether I want in or out of this relationship. I've been struggling with it for months now. It's not appropriate to let it hang indefinitely. I will give myself two months to make a decision.
--Anonymous
Sometimes, it helps to set a deadline.
This can be true when we face unsolved problems, are struggling with a tough decision, have been sitting on the fence for a while, or have been floundering in confusion about a particular issue for a time.
That does not mean a deadline is written in stone. It means that we are establishing a time frame to help ourselves not feel so helpless and to help bring a solution into focus. Setting deadlines can free our energy to set the problem or issue aside, to let go, and allow the Universe, our Higher Power, and ourselves to begin to move toward a solution.
We don't always need to tell people we've got a deadline. Sometimes, it's better to be silent, or else they may feel we are trying to control them and may rebel against our deadline. Sometimes, it is appropriate to share our deadlines with others.
Deadlines are primarily a tool to help ourselves. They need to be reasonable and appropriate to each individual situation. Used properly, deadlines can be a beneficial tool to help us get through difficult problems and situations without feeling trapped and helpless. They can help us let go of worrying and obsessing, so we can focus our energies in more constructive directions. Setting a deadline can help move us out of that uncomfortable spot of feeling victimized by a person or a problem we can't solve.
Deadlines can help us detach and move forward.
Today, I will consider whether a deadline might be helpful in some areas in my life. I claim Divine Wisdom and Guidance in setting appropriate deadlines for any problems or relationship issues that may be lingering.
________________________
My thoughts on this:
My marriage is the first thing to come to mind. It's been the main issue, in my recovery, that keeps me stuck with so many other things I need to work on. I will change my goal, "Keep Marriage Surrendered" to reflect a deadline for moving on. At this point, I'm truly ready to make the deadline TODAY. I though I had surrendered my marriage, and was relying on Jesus to fill the shoes my husband refuses to wear, days ago. I found out that I am still picking up the problem, over and over, since then. It's very hard to completely let it go when I have to live here, take care of his mother, cook for the family, make sure my kids' needs are met, etc.....when he is keeping me penniless and he remains in total control of everything else around here too. We get treated well when we do as he wishes, and treated badly when we don't. I'm sick of living this way, and trying so hard. I want to truly give it to Jesus all the way, and don't know how to leave every issue in His hands. My memory is shot out, and through the course of a day, it's hard to remember, and know what to do in situations where I don't know what the right action would be. When I pray, and don't seem to get any answer, when I call my sponsor, and she gives me work to do that I know will help my thinking, in the long run, but what about NOW? I'm about to cut and paste my particular issue, which occurred after my phone conversation with my sponsor last night. Maybe, when I call her today, I can get some specific guidance on this particular issue. It involves anger, and she has already suggested I read some of my book on that. I will do that after posting this:
I need to take some 'right action' right now, and don't know what that is. As my mother-in-law is reclaiming her independence from my caretaking efforts, she has become feisty at times. She seems to be trying to take control in my home. I went to bed angry last night because of her actions. I won't go into detail, because it involves a personal hygeine issue. I can't allow her to continue making choices that affect me, Johnny, and the boys in a negative way. I'm still mad at her, this morning. She waited for me to bring her cheese toast to the chair she sits in, although she is capable of getting that herself. Last night, she chose not to ask me to help her with what she IS incapable of doing by herself. So, I went to bed without speaking to her, and my husband went to bed without speaking to me.
--Anonymous
Sometimes, it helps to set a deadline.
This can be true when we face unsolved problems, are struggling with a tough decision, have been sitting on the fence for a while, or have been floundering in confusion about a particular issue for a time.
That does not mean a deadline is written in stone. It means that we are establishing a time frame to help ourselves not feel so helpless and to help bring a solution into focus. Setting deadlines can free our energy to set the problem or issue aside, to let go, and allow the Universe, our Higher Power, and ourselves to begin to move toward a solution.
We don't always need to tell people we've got a deadline. Sometimes, it's better to be silent, or else they may feel we are trying to control them and may rebel against our deadline. Sometimes, it is appropriate to share our deadlines with others.
Deadlines are primarily a tool to help ourselves. They need to be reasonable and appropriate to each individual situation. Used properly, deadlines can be a beneficial tool to help us get through difficult problems and situations without feeling trapped and helpless. They can help us let go of worrying and obsessing, so we can focus our energies in more constructive directions. Setting a deadline can help move us out of that uncomfortable spot of feeling victimized by a person or a problem we can't solve.
Deadlines can help us detach and move forward.
Today, I will consider whether a deadline might be helpful in some areas in my life. I claim Divine Wisdom and Guidance in setting appropriate deadlines for any problems or relationship issues that may be lingering.
________________________
My thoughts on this:
My marriage is the first thing to come to mind. It's been the main issue, in my recovery, that keeps me stuck with so many other things I need to work on. I will change my goal, "Keep Marriage Surrendered" to reflect a deadline for moving on. At this point, I'm truly ready to make the deadline TODAY. I though I had surrendered my marriage, and was relying on Jesus to fill the shoes my husband refuses to wear, days ago. I found out that I am still picking up the problem, over and over, since then. It's very hard to completely let it go when I have to live here, take care of his mother, cook for the family, make sure my kids' needs are met, etc.....when he is keeping me penniless and he remains in total control of everything else around here too. We get treated well when we do as he wishes, and treated badly when we don't. I'm sick of living this way, and trying so hard. I want to truly give it to Jesus all the way, and don't know how to leave every issue in His hands. My memory is shot out, and through the course of a day, it's hard to remember, and know what to do in situations where I don't know what the right action would be. When I pray, and don't seem to get any answer, when I call my sponsor, and she gives me work to do that I know will help my thinking, in the long run, but what about NOW? I'm about to cut and paste my particular issue, which occurred after my phone conversation with my sponsor last night. Maybe, when I call her today, I can get some specific guidance on this particular issue. It involves anger, and she has already suggested I read some of my book on that. I will do that after posting this:
I need to take some 'right action' right now, and don't know what that is. As my mother-in-law is reclaiming her independence from my caretaking efforts, she has become feisty at times. She seems to be trying to take control in my home. I went to bed angry last night because of her actions. I won't go into detail, because it involves a personal hygeine issue. I can't allow her to continue making choices that affect me, Johnny, and the boys in a negative way. I'm still mad at her, this morning. She waited for me to bring her cheese toast to the chair she sits in, although she is capable of getting that herself. Last night, she chose not to ask me to help her with what she IS incapable of doing by herself. So, I went to bed without speaking to her, and my husband went to bed without speaking to me.
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I miss traveling with my husband. Has anyone found a specific site regarding cruising for widow/widowers or any sightseeing trips. Not interested in being with couples and kids,,,I realize a cruise ship will have a portion size of families and couples, but perhaps they also put together a part of the cruise ship for groups of widows/widowers????
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A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...
The more you love, the more love you are given to love with.
--Lucien Price
With love comes promises of sentiment as rapturous as fall's splendor of color and as delicate as a crystal of snow. Love empowers us to handle the struggles that bind us, the struggles that stretch us to grow. The familiar sights and muffled sounds of each moment vibrate with greater intensity when we're giving and receiving love.
We're deluded to think the love of others will complete us, so we strive for it; we long for it. But we receive love only when we're unselfishly offering it. It is one of life's wonderful mysteries that we must first give love away if we hope to get it.
Loving another tests our patience, strength, and security. Love spurned is dreaded and perhaps too familiar, but we must risk it once again if we are to find the love we deserve.
The gifts of love are many and guaranteed when the act of love is honest, unselfish, whole, and unconditionally offered.
___________________
My thoughts on this:
I guess I need to love my mother-in-law and husband unconditionally, no matter what their actions are.....and I do....but just need to control my own actions better.
: )