my question would be, why is this bothering you? or why is it something you are posting about? are you concerned you are being taken advantage of?
does he always work full time?
sorry for the interrogation but i don't quite understand your situation!
welcome to the board!
blessings.

Hi, I have known some people that like to be taken care of and do the bare minimum to not get the other party bothered by it. Scraping financailly is no fun. Does your husband see the problem and want to take steps to change it? If it is a comprimise you are happy with, then it is right for you.

Well probably it is bothering me because of all of the things that were running through my head yesterday and the fact that the people I normally ask questions to (my parents) give me conflicting answers. I am very afraid of being taken advantage of as I have a knack for choosing people who take advantage of me. He works 40 hours a week, except that he has missed 25 days of work this year because he didn't feel like working those days (not because of illness). The other problem is I have a habit of compromising away things I want to do. The example I provided was just one thing. I can justify ANYTHING just about.

He is working to control his spending habits, but it makes me feel sometimes like his mother when he asks me if he should or should not do something and I hate that feeling. But then he comes from a family that didn't offer him any guidance with financial matters and he has very little knowledge of them. (He got his first checking account at age 30 and is only 39). So in someways it is complimetary that he trusts me enough to ask me about financial matters, but in other ways it is a big stress. And it's not just him, I can compromise away a raise at work for goodness sakes. Example, last raise I got they asked me if it was enough and I answered, "Yeah, it'll do" even though I wanted more!

there's a great book you could suggest to him called "financial peace" by dave ramsey. it is all about money management, particularly how to avoid debt or get rid of it.
what about you keeping a separate account for your money?
if he doesn't feel like working then he doesn't get paid.
i think so many times we want to protect people we love from their poor choices. but really, when we look at it, we are keeping them dependent and childlike because they are not learning consequences of their behavior. when we love someone it's hard (for most of us) to see the greater good.....
maybe if y'all worked out a budget and determined who was paying what bill or what percentage each contributed, then he could have his own account and his own paycheck and expenses in that. then he writes a check to you, or you to him (that might teach him as well) to pay for shared obligations. then there is savings/retirement/emergency fund.
after that, what's left is gravy for EACH of you to spend your OWN gravy.
might motivate him to earn a bit more money for himself.
just remember to be kind and non parental. just matter of fact, like you would tell a room of strangers.
good luck!

I'm a little confused.
At the top you said you make $10 more a year than he does, but he does contribute where he can, so should you be upset that he can't help the bills equally?
And this case, I would say NO.
Most couples aren't equal in financial status regardless. And it has everything to do with the economy and what the pay is worth for what, and where. If he is contributing, groceries, picking up tabs, etc. Than he's doing his part, in another areas, with what he has.

But then you also posted, he has spending issues. Now if he's spending things on leisure items, and THEN bills. Then you have the right to be upset. But I'm a little unclear on which one it is here.

I'm sorry. It is very hard for me to be exact with it and there are so many questions.

Yes, he has spending issues. He will have $140 left over after paying HIS bills (truck, phone, insurance, credit card, line of credit) that is for groceries AND gasoline AND the gravy. He will spend $120 on groceries, and then if I am lucky he will put the other 20 in his tank. If I am not he will say to himself, "Well, I don't have the money for gas anyway so I'll buy a pizza and charge gas." And we do have separate checking accounts, but the credit card is dual. Maybe that part needs to stop being dual.

yes. as an "almost lawyer" i would say NEVER sign any co-debt with a partner. unless it's a mortgage. but then be sure you are on the deed.
my home was paid for. i mortgaged it to pay off $150K of my ex husband's student loans.......
3 years later we were divorced. guess who's got the mortgage and guess who walked with the education....although, his income does pay good child support! ; )
but seriously, get separate debt!!!!

What I'm seeing there from what you wrote out, he is paying legitimate things. Things that do need to be paid, just as much as the lights and gas. Maybe the bigger problem is deep down, you wish he made more money.
At the very least, atleast he's not making you pay HIS bills. I agree the bills should be split, but in some cases, it's just not feasible.

here's my 2 cents.. haha

i think if your husband makes less than you and can't help out as much as you can it's no big deal. lots of couples are like that... BUT... if he chooses to spend his money on other stuff knowing that you will always pay the bills then there is a problem... do you get to buy fun stuff first and pay bills later? if not then why should he?

bills should come first because that is a responsibility... fun stuff comes after the bills are paid... if you can get him to understand this then you should be fine...

my sons are 18 and 17 and i am trying to teach them this very concept right now... since your husband is kind of new to the whole budgeting game maybe he just needs a little teaching from you to set him straight...

it's a hard lesson to learn .. i'm sure we are all guilty of over spending when the paycheck comes only to be hit with the reality of over due bills later....

;o) goodluck!!

Do the emotional and intellectual matters seperately. Write a household budget. Have all the money go into one pot. Allot the income to the budget, and do stray from the budget. Factor in pizza money and other free spending. Discuss how left over money will be used, so not doing impulse spending on the credit cards. Emotionally you don't like to be in charge, but he has not had training. He may learn by the budget and come to like it, then he can do it.

I'm with 'tigpie' on this one. Although most of you know my hubby and I struggle immensely financially, when he is working all the money goes to one place. And allowances, if you will or divied and we pay savings/emergency first and foremost (when he is working). If there is somethign we want, individually or together that side spending money will be reserved until enough is collected for the 'wants' - again, all of this is only when he is working and contributing otherwise it is just my income paying bills, barely. However y'all are married - there really isn't a 'mine and yours'. Household living expenses are just that - what's left over shouldn't be something you 'comprimise' but something you discuss and decide together what to do with - a toy for him, new outfit for you, new furniture for the den...whatever, y'know?

you are a team, regardless of who makes more money. all the money should be going into the funds except what you need weekly coffee, lunch etc. it belongs to both of you and your family.