If I'm totally honest... for me there was a payoff, I could point my finger at him and tell everybody what a bad person he was and I would get some attention from family and friends and it made him the bad guy (took the attention off of me!). It also made me a victom and I could yell Poor me!! Poor me! Pour me another drink!! The only problem was that the worse my alcoholism got the worse my partners got because I had to have someone that was worse than me that I could point my finger at!! If you asked me what kind of man I wanted in my life I would say "Steady foundation, good with kids, own his own car, sense of humor..... but if you look at the men I have been with it has been "parole, probation, no job, mentally or physically abusive!! The guy that has everything does not need me! now the guy on parole He NEEDS ME!,I can fix him!! (those other women he was married to didn't know what they were doing!!) I had a need to be needed!! At least I can see the insanity today and can do something different! Get out of the problem and into the solution!!
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