My husband and I have been separated for 4 months, he had taken up with another woman from work for 2 months and decided that was not what he needed, and asked me to try again while a divorce he had filed in June was on the brink of being final. We are now still separated and every time we see each other, we bicker about the old stuff that ruined our marriage in the first place (a very codependent relationship, with him doing a lot for me). I know you are supposed to let go of the past, but the track record stands. He has joined a CODA group through a woman in our church who attends meetings there and who is herself a social worker. From what I have seen about this CODA stuff and the 12 steps that you follow, you have to detach from poison relationships. So, in my opinion that means he has to dump me in the ditch because I have some serious emotional problems dealing with very low self esteem, high anxiety and depression, and hating to live alone, especially at night. I have a lot of anger towards him in that I feel like he has the "upper hand" in staying in the marriage or bailing. It all depends on him and what the outcome will be after he has been getting his mind "back on track" through CODA. I have been very manipulative and demanding in our entire 19-year marriage, and he had always played the game according to my rules (he is a submissive type of man anyways) to try to keep me from exploding all these years. I am in counseling to get cognitive behavior therapy once a week, just started, but my emotions are so out of control, I feel I need something stronger and more useful right away to fight this hostility and horrible anger that makes me hysterical. We are not alcoholics, just in a dysfunctional relationship for 23 years total. We both do still love each other, but love only goes so far.
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