I' ve been in a relationship for nine years and married for six of them. When I first got together with my wife, she was addiccted to cocaine. So I did everything I could to help her get off it. I moved out of state when I was on probation to help her get away from her friends who kept bringing her more coke. She had a 18month old baby girl who I raised to be mine since her father was a drug dealer. I had two other kids from aprevious marriage that lived with thier mom. We had an abusive relationship from the start. When she came down off cake she was violent throughing things, knives, she broke a coffe mug and stabbed me with it. I have lost so many jobs because she fights in the middle of the night, sometimes about sex, sometimes because she claims she has pms. She has OCD and does nothing to treat it. I have bipolar disorder and have been treating it with medication and therapy. The last year of our marriage she has become extremly violent in fornt of our children and telling me time after time she doesnt love me, she doesnt like me, and she wants a divorce. She prostituted herself to her bosses clients over the summer and told me. She moved a prostitute intomy house with my kids. She has become addicted to stackers, so when she comes down, she is like she was when on cocaine. She told me she slept with my best friend three times, and another friend at least eight times. i caught her in the park with another guy with my kids. She led me to eblieve that I was crazy and if I went to the hospital to get my medication stabilized that everything would be ok, she eventold me she loved me. So I went and when I was in ther she told me she lied, and she wanted to have sex with any one who would do her on my bed. So I got out and came home, she came home that night we had sex, and the next morning she got a temporary protective order to through me out of my house. So I decide to file for divorce at this point. I checked our computer and found her on sexsearch.com looking for 1 on 1 sex 3 somes and orgies, I broke into her mail box and found she was corresponding with 20 or so guys all in a sexual matter. She even took pictures of our bed and posted them on the internet. I found her on adult friend finder, she said she did not have a profile on thier. She just lies about everything. She gives me the house and kids, and comes over hits me in the head with a plate of food I cook for her, She tries to smash my leg in the car door in front of my kids. So I get a TPO now and take the car, kids, and house. The thing is, if she said she wanted to come home and end this, I would take her back. I feel like I am obbessed with her. She is not even attractive and overweight. i am aatractive, and decently proportioned, and I am a licensed professional. I have alot to offer, but I cant see myself with anyone but her, and she clearly states she wants nothing to do with me anymore. It seems so unfair tome that my dream of a life together with our children is now shatterd, and she will not yield. I dont know what to do, I am trying to get by a day at a time, I want to call her and talk to her but it does no good we only argue, and she cant even talk to me legaly right now. I t bothers me she wont even call her kids when they call her to talk. How do you accept that some one who is alive, is really not the same person, that she the one I love is prettymuch dead. I miss her, it makes tears come to my eyes thinking about her. Why, it makes me question my faith, because I have had enough pain in my life already. I did what I was suppossed to, I prayed every day, and taught my children the same, why does this happen to good people?