
Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...

deleted_user
Someone asked me an interesting question... if I choose or if I've been chosen in past relationships. I've always been chosen. Not only that, if a man doesn't persue me... I mean REALLY persue me, then I let the relationship die off. It's like as long as he's chasing, I'm fine. But as soon as he slows down, I don't turn around to find out where he went... I just keep on going.
Doesn't this aspect of my behavior fly in the face of codependency? Does anyone else do this? I'm the easiest person in the world to break up with... just stop calling me ;)
Doesn't this aspect of my behavior fly in the face of codependency? Does anyone else do this? I'm the easiest person in the world to break up with... just stop calling me ;)

deleted_user
Actually,,, in my opinion,, I would think that is the diret opposite of a code.... We have a tendency to worry things to death.. like constantly asking ourselves,, what we did wrong and why isn't he callin!

deleted_user
In one aspect, this is very healthy. However, are you using this technique to avoid love? If so, this is typical "love avoidant" behavior. The deep seeded fear lies in being enmeshed by another. It is very capable that we change roles drastically, but its still codepency at the core. Just evaluate why you are doing it. If its for healthy reasons, its great.

deleted_user
Not I. The last guy that just quit calling I must've made crazy as he avoided the phone! I didn't follow him, but I wanted to know why, what was wrong with me, how can I fix it, all of that sort of stuff. And then...I bumped into him out in public...it is a very embarrassing moment for me now.

deleted_user
No. One of the way I would avoid painful enmeshments was to avoid relationships for years on end in between them. An anorexic maneuver if you will.

deleted_user
OR have you considered that these gentelman who pursue you are opposite of what you would choose and they scare you? that would be codependent. i have had a relationship or two, very meaningful relationships, with guys who were all together, who respected and treated me well and who didn't 'NEED ME' and the fact that they 'wanted me' mattered not...i kept going. of course this wasn't a concious process...????

deleted_user
I would give anything, well, almost anything, to be able to walk away, to let him walk away, to never look back.

deleted_user
I really like what faith said...the active fear in a love addict is abandonment..and the non active fear is intimacy..in the love avoident the active fear is intimacy and the non active fear is abandonment...makes sense to me....

deleted_user
I don't know bay-I've always been the chaser...often getting angry at myself for not knowing when to back off and let another chase me. My own brother had to instruct me a few years back "to drop of his radar screen" and see if he doesn't come running. He was right! Unfortunately by the time he did, I was over all of it and moving forward. I think it's finding the balance between how and what we can contribute and what we really need. Knowing what you need or want isn't really that hard, but damn we tend to make it so difficult and all tied up in knots, no? I saw another post about birthing process...and I've heard this from Joyce Meyer too, it's like the transition phase, the most progess is made here....at that point, before the birth and funny how "pushing" seems to be correlated to that last stage or phase right before the birth. Personally, I'm tired of pushing, but waiting so patiently for the birth....so I breath and pant and breath......Keep posting hun-you're really stirring up some great stuff!!
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