Actually,,, in my opinion,, I would think that is the diret opposite of a code.... We have a tendency to worry things to death.. like constantly asking ourselves,, what we did wrong and why isn't he callin!

In one aspect, this is very healthy. However, are you using this technique to avoid love? If so, this is typical "love avoidant" behavior. The deep seeded fear lies in being enmeshed by another. It is very capable that we change roles drastically, but its still codepency at the core. Just evaluate why you are doing it. If its for healthy reasons, its great.

Not I. The last guy that just quit calling I must've made crazy as he avoided the phone! I didn't follow him, but I wanted to know why, what was wrong with me, how can I fix it, all of that sort of stuff. And then...I bumped into him out in public...it is a very embarrassing moment for me now.

No. One of the way I would avoid painful enmeshments was to avoid relationships for years on end in between them. An anorexic maneuver if you will.

OR have you considered that these gentelman who pursue you are opposite of what you would choose and they scare you? that would be codependent. i have had a relationship or two, very meaningful relationships, with guys who were all together, who respected and treated me well and who didn't 'NEED ME' and the fact that they 'wanted me' mattered not...i kept going. of course this wasn't a concious process...????

I would give anything, well, almost anything, to be able to walk away, to let him walk away, to never look back.

I really like what faith said...the active fear in a love addict is abandonment..and the non active fear is intimacy..in the love avoident the active fear is intimacy and the non active fear is abandonment...makes sense to me....

I don't know bay-I've always been the chaser...often getting angry at myself for not knowing when to back off and let another chase me. My own brother had to instruct me a few years back "to drop of his radar screen" and see if he doesn't come running. He was right! Unfortunately by the time he did, I was over all of it and moving forward. I think it's finding the balance between how and what we can contribute and what we really need. Knowing what you need or want isn't really that hard, but damn we tend to make it so difficult and all tied up in knots, no? I saw another post about birthing process...and I've heard this from Joyce Meyer too, it's like the transition phase, the most progess is made here....at that point, before the birth and funny how "pushing" seems to be correlated to that last stage or phase right before the birth. Personally, I'm tired of pushing, but waiting so patiently for the birth....so I breath and pant and breath......Keep posting hun-you're really stirring up some great stuff!!