Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
I am really trying to understand a lot of whats ok and whats not.
I want to stop hating and feeling lost, dont know that I am doing it but the fear inside me tells me otherwise. I dread every situation I face 9or choreograph!) and the pain is awful.
All my life I have felt invisible and alone, I think that I chose this way but I am not sure. I was the boxing referee between mum and dad, always being used by one or both of them to heal after the fight. I would hide my sister away and then try and distract, mediate, whatever and then afterwards when my dad was full of remorse I would tell him 'its ok' and he would ask me to make sure mum knew he was sorry and that he lover her.... yet he didnt want to ask me to forgive him.
Mum on the other hand used to apologise for putting up with him, and I would say that its ok...but then she would tell me that she only forgave him for his crap becasue of us Kids. I felt like I was responsible for her pain, if I wasnt there she could kick him out.
I KNOW, I KNOW they didnt mean any of the damage they did, but they did, they were so consumed in their 'WAR' they didnt even see who I was, the conflicts, the help I needed.
The only time I got listened too was when there was AN ISSUE....
I hate that word...'sit down we have an ISSUE'
'You know you have an ISSUE' with that?
I dressed like a nerd and was treated like one, the family were JW's and that was enough to be isolated at school, not to be allowed to socialise with anyone other than witness Kids, but on top our family was a joke.
The fighting family that stopped the war to go to church, and then dad would 'borrow' money from the collection box (he was accountant) and then we would be taken out at 10 PM FOR A REALLY NICE MEAL!!
I used to go to sleep on the restauarant bench knowing I would be knackered for school the next day.
School were I was the class clown, anything to make people laugh and not see my pain or the total feeling of nonsense inside me.
I dont know where that came from, but I know that right now I am trying not to feed hate with blame... I cant talk to my parents much because I got disfellowshipped from the religion and none of my family are allowed anything other than 'emergency contact' with me.
So I became the Joker, Mediator, the Life and Soul..but guess what I have no soul, no identity, all that is left is the 'coat' that I wear to present myself. I choose the coat to fit the person and then hey presto I get what I think I needed. But it isnt what I need at all because all I have is fear, anger and hatred and loss.
I want to make it go away, I will but its pouring like a river right now..the pain, the tears.
I want to stop hating and feeling lost, dont know that I am doing it but the fear inside me tells me otherwise. I dread every situation I face 9or choreograph!) and the pain is awful.
All my life I have felt invisible and alone, I think that I chose this way but I am not sure. I was the boxing referee between mum and dad, always being used by one or both of them to heal after the fight. I would hide my sister away and then try and distract, mediate, whatever and then afterwards when my dad was full of remorse I would tell him 'its ok' and he would ask me to make sure mum knew he was sorry and that he lover her.... yet he didnt want to ask me to forgive him.
Mum on the other hand used to apologise for putting up with him, and I would say that its ok...but then she would tell me that she only forgave him for his crap becasue of us Kids. I felt like I was responsible for her pain, if I wasnt there she could kick him out.
I KNOW, I KNOW they didnt mean any of the damage they did, but they did, they were so consumed in their 'WAR' they didnt even see who I was, the conflicts, the help I needed.
The only time I got listened too was when there was AN ISSUE....
I hate that word...'sit down we have an ISSUE'
'You know you have an ISSUE' with that?
I dressed like a nerd and was treated like one, the family were JW's and that was enough to be isolated at school, not to be allowed to socialise with anyone other than witness Kids, but on top our family was a joke.
The fighting family that stopped the war to go to church, and then dad would 'borrow' money from the collection box (he was accountant) and then we would be taken out at 10 PM FOR A REALLY NICE MEAL!!
I used to go to sleep on the restauarant bench knowing I would be knackered for school the next day.
School were I was the class clown, anything to make people laugh and not see my pain or the total feeling of nonsense inside me.
I dont know where that came from, but I know that right now I am trying not to feed hate with blame... I cant talk to my parents much because I got disfellowshipped from the religion and none of my family are allowed anything other than 'emergency contact' with me.
So I became the Joker, Mediator, the Life and Soul..but guess what I have no soul, no identity, all that is left is the 'coat' that I wear to present myself. I choose the coat to fit the person and then hey presto I get what I think I needed. But it isnt what I need at all because all I have is fear, anger and hatred and loss.
I want to make it go away, I will but its pouring like a river right now..the pain, the tears.
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
I agree with the last poster ... you are in a good place for healing and moving forward. Welcome !
you have a wonderful way with words and obviously, a beautiful soul.
it's important to look at ourselves in this process but equally important to love ourselves with the ardor and passion and support that we have always sought from others.
you are on the healing path.
when it gets ugly, come here. don't give up.
and as always, coda and al anon work for me.
What I'm saying is - it's safe for your spirit to come back home now.
good place' to learn and heal. And we are all here for you.