I feel like I have to fix everything especially when it comes to my parents. They are older (70s) and are in a lot of debt (33,000 in credit card debt). Life has thrown them a lot of tough blows, so I can't blame them for the credit card debt that has acrued, but I can blame them for continuing to let it go on since I found out how bad the problem was and offered to hook them up with a credit counseling group or a bankruptcy lawyer. Anyway, I do quite a bit for them already but would like nothing more than to get them out of debt. I can't though. They have not asked me to, but I just can't shake the feeling that I should do more. I provide them with a car, support when they have both been sick and try to have them over/visit as much as I can, but I just feel like I'm not doing enough. They are grateful for what I do, but my mother is getting older and older acting and is so miserable and complains so much, that I don't want to be around her. I hate it when they "pop over". I am a busy person, thus I am quite open with my annoyed reaction to them coming over unexpectedly. I usually say that I am busy if they happen to call first! I get scolded for both of these things. If they do manage to barge their way in, she usually starts fighting with my dad who just hasn't learned to shut up and not provoke her. Anyway, I have feelings lately that I wish either she had died last year when she was very ill, or that my husband, kids and I should just move far, far away. I feel guilty that I feel this way, but I do. I couldn't move away. I feel guilty when I go out of town on vacation! I would never invite them along, because they can't afford to pay their way and I can't afford the cost of two more people to travel, so I just feel guilty most of the time when we are away etc. What is wrong with me? What can I do? I really wish I could say "bug off Mom", but no matter how I clean that statement up, or explain to her how busy I am, it won't work. She will just make me feel guilty for "having the time to do other things other than visit with your mother". If you knew her miserable self, you wouldn't want to spend time with her either! What stinks is that I have a good relationship with my mother in law who is 20 years younger than my parents, and we have a lot in common. My mother makes comments every now and then that makes me feel guilty about that relationship! I know I need to tell her how I feel, but trust me, it will not do any good, she will not understand, which is why I feel that her death or my moving away are the only two options! Please help me take care of this in the most friendly way possible. I mostly need help with the smothering. The guilt and need to help them financially, but can't, are secondary, but obviously related problems that I have to deal with. As for siblings, they have conveniently moved away years ago and act as though they could care less most of the time. I've tried to go to them for help, but their own issues and lives keep them pretty busy They are and have been of no help to me or my parents. Thank you to anyone who can steer me in the right direction before I do something stupid.
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