I have just a couple relationships right now, with my husband, male psychologist, and small therapy group. It is the best for me now, because I can get reconditioned to relate in a healtier way.

I am new to this and your topic caught my eye because that is where i am. I am married to someone that does not respect me, tries to control me, is jealous, etc. And yet I cant let go. We have no connection because I am so angry with him and myself. The only relationship I have right now is with my sister but she has her own life to live and I cant keep going to her. I am seeing a therapist that started out being our marriage counselor and now has taken on the role to help my let go and stand up for myself and stick to being with someone that can be there for me on all levels. At the moment I feel so so alone. I have put a wall up! Instead of being with men that build me up, I end up with the ones that tear me down and I stay because I feel like I cant do better.

I too have let go of alot of relationships over the years..like I put myself behind a brick wall. I have been working the 12 steps and slowly I'm removing one brick at a time.

Hi, I moved to a sparsely populated area, and I feel lonely sometimes.

As the others, I know what you are going through. I am hundreds of mile from my only - what I guess you could call - support system. I really don't have one. I can't confide these issues with anyone I know because they simply don't undertand. I am so alone - even though I have been married for 20 years and have a 5 year old child now. I really want out of this life. I am on meds again - gone through the whole process time and time again for over 18 years, but never seem to make any progress with the loneliness. It's hard to take anymore, I've stuck with my marriage for so long because it at least creates some feeling, good bad or otherwise, but I can't get to a place where I can trust anyone of myself for fear of building them up to try an live through them again. Where do we go from here?

Hi...
This is common with people who have had difficult childhoods and were not shown a healthy way to interact with people. Typically they were abused, or had affection and emotions withheld from a stoic and "sbsent" parent.
google, David Richo and see if you can find an article he wrote entitled "Maintaining Personal Boundaries in Relationships. If you can't message me and I will see if I can scan it and email it to you at your personal address. I believe it will help you a great deal.
God Bless you.

you know, sometimes being completely alone(emotionally) is a necessity... for a short time. Whatis good though, is a balance. So while you are truly alone, work on figuring out who you are... so that when it is time to rejoin the world... when you do get into relationships again, you aren't willing to compromise who you are, and can have a healthy relationship... which btw, i am finding out that relationships are hard!
I myself just spent a year with no intimate relationships, so that i could work on myself, and for the last 6 months i have been in a relationship... and standing my ground, and not letting them walk all over me, and me not oding it to her... is very hard! able to be done... but hard.

Hi.. buy the book by David Richo, "How to be an adult."
This book can change your life.
STAY STRONG.

I'm really new here, but I have a few relationships...my husband and my parents. I have a hard time choosing people for friends because I tend to choose people who "need" me and so if I make a "friend" and they make one little motion that makes me think they will "need" me I just stop coming around, calling, etc. I have trouble trusting myself not to be everyone's "savior" and so it is easier to avoid them than to take the chance. Sometimes it is very lonely to have no friends and other times I feel free with it, but I'm sure it isn't really healthy. Maybe over time I will get there.

great topic. several thoughts.
first, for me, when i find myself bitching about what a crap relationship i am in, i turn the focus inward and look at what parts of myself need healing.
this is my "meantime" relationship (also a great book "in the meantime" by iyanla vanzant).
i realized today that there is absolutely no way i can attract or keep a healthy partner until i'm healthy, this is going to take some time.
so i am trying to relax in this relationship (we are not married) and learn something about myself and others from it.
takes much of the pressure off when i'm not thinking of him as "the one".
additionally, with the friends who are codependent or going in circles, i just set strong boundaries. i tell them i love them and want their happiness but that i can't fix them. i usually suggest whatever 12 step program is appropriate for their ailment.
i realize how much i was enabling people to continue their behavior or depend on me for support.
i agree with jimmy, that being alone really helps get our head straight if we use that time to get it straight instead of wallow or grieve (too long) over the past relationship or having too many pity parties for ourselves.
ok, i've rambled but i think, for me, the key is unconditional love---for myself. when i am practicing that, everything else just seems to flow.
blessings and welcome new folks!

Please read my post on " Love Addiction". Sexual Anerexia and Intimacy Avoidance are explained in this book. You will get through this, and you will recover.