I'm reaching out for support as I just had my life flipped upside down in the matter of a week. I've been married for 10 years but together for years longer. My husband has always been needy, doesn't even like to run to the store without me and then gets made if I don't go. He recently came to me telling me he was unhappy and the reasons for it. I told him I would change my behaviors, that I didn't realize how it was affecting him. We both would cry and go into depressions but never know the exact reason for them. My husband got a promotion and became very distant. Things he would always do like kiss me goodbye, or tell me how beautiful I was, ended. I was so worried I started poking him to tell me what was going on, and then accuse him of cheating. He broke down and flipped telling me he no longer felt the same. I was so angry and cried all night while he also cried and slept on the couch. I had to call in to work as I didn't sleep and just cried all night long. I told him I would stay at a hotel to give us a break to think about what was going on - he entered treatment the following day and began doing sessions every day with a psychiatrist. I got so angry and called him names, and said things I never wanted to say to him but I was so angry. I did alot of cruel things but would apologize right after telling him I didn't mean it. I felt like this was one of the first times we were able to express ourselves about things going on. As the sessions continued I found out there had been abuse to him as a child. I felt horrified that he had been harboring this pain for so long, and so many things finally made sense. I felt at peace, knowing there was more to this than just me. But deep down I was scared I played more into this with my lack of intimacy with him, and my distancing. I know I loved him, he was an amazing and talented person. I truly love him, and it's not that I do not want to be alone. I spent the last 10 hours reading up on codependency and realize how all the flags were there and I ignored them. I had tried to leave several times but couldn't. Neither of us were happy but we did have times where I thought we hit a bump in the road. His therapists said he needs to move out and be alone and go through his own self discovery. I completely understand now and respect him for that. But as I asked more questions he mentioned his Drs did ask about me and said it was a codependent relationship which freaked me out. I was scared what I had done to destroy us without really knowing I was doing it. My stomach was in knots, I couldn't eat sleep or function. I made plans to move to another state where I could be with family to help go through this. He had made up his mind he had to do it, and I feel if I love him I need to let him go. He would come home for a few hours and call but would not stay over night. I'm so broken hearted because I don't want to leave him, I love him so much. I know we have issues but I told him I would go to counseling and do whatever I needed to do. Part of me kept saying I was never strong enough to leave so he has to, but the other part is hopeful that maybe he'll change his mind. I'm so lost and sad. He's my bestfriend and I hate seeing him hurt like this, but also feel shafted he won't let me stick by his side for support.
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