Well, I've done it again. Gotten really close to someone as a friend and then tried to protect them and started needing their approval. It is a very healthy friendship otherwise.This behavior is mine. I'm not beating myself up about it. I'm going to discuss it with my friend later, who btw is a recovering codependent as well. My problem is "dangit I'm so TIRED of having to think about behaviors!" Mine or others. I've been through therapy and group therapy. Here I've been doing so well, so I thought. I guess I should be happy that I've recognized this early on but still...I'm so wishing for the days that I didn't have to think so much. Spent much of yesterday crying since this realization. I felt embarrassed. I know I'm only human but sometimes it feels like there are so many things to watch, to sidestep, to engage in, to identify with, to leave be....and the list goes on. Maybe this realization is just overwhelming me a bit, I know it too shall pass. Trying to sit with these emotions but feeling quite lonely with them. Is it EVER going to just be second nature to be a non codependent? I think not.
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