I just broke up with the guy I've been dating for the past couple of months. My divorce hasn't even been filed yet, and I just ended the second relationship I've had since I left my STBX. Yes, I left him, but only after he told me he wanted to have an open marriage and after we spent almost two years in counseling and I finally gave up. Anyway, I broke up with my current boyfriend because I recognize my issues with codependency and have realized that I need to be by myself and feel okay with it. If I constantly see external validation, I'll never find stability. Of course, I want to reach out to him. I want to call him and not be alone. I can't stop thinking about how I've hurt him, and I feel so bad. I know that by calling him, I'd be sending mixed messages and I don't want to do that to him just to satisfy my need for that connection with a male partner. :( I know I shouldn't feel responsible for his feelings, and while I can understand that on the surface level, I still have this compulsion. I know he's hurting, and it really sucks.
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