Hi everyone. I just joined this group. It is my first support group ever and I wanted to give it a try. I am 33 years old and a survivor a dysfunctional childhood. Snapshot: My mother is devoid of emotions, cult-ishly religious , tried to commit suicide twice during my childhood and emotionally/ mentally abusive (example: she used to try to expel the devil from me as I slept or she would buy food for herself and tell me to get a job at 10 years old if I wanted to eat and she believes that "feelings aren't real"). My father (parents divorced young, father was a holiday dad) is a narcissist and alcoholic who cheated on mom and left her with three young kids. He is highly critical and hugged me 2 times in my life when I prompted it. My brother is now a 36 severally bi-polar who had manic episodes about 6 times per year and is hospitalized 50% of his life since 20 years old. While I feel rather happy in life, I definitely know that I have many struggles due to my upbringing. I am very judgmental of myself, long for acceptance, get very upset at conflict, fear abandonment, feel "fake" when around group, or peers that aren't close friends, and suffer from self doubt. It is true that many of my survival skills from growing up also are positive and have helped me, but I lack some self esteem and can feel the void. I do think it is time for me to share some of the feelings and experiences that I endured and since my husband and I are trying to conceive a child, I wanted to "clean house" before I do. I have not shared much of my childhood experience for fear of judgment, or not feeling normal, so this will be a new experience for me.
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