I'm new here. I joined the PTSD group and thought this might would be helpful for me too. Especially after this past weekend. I had something happen that has me so messed up I don't know what to think. I kinda told my story in the joining part, but to make a long story short.....after my husband left me 5 years ago I found myself in a horrible codependent relationship that turned me into an addict. I didn't even want to use, I used because he used and I just wanted him. I finally got away from him and the drugs. I had 4 years sober. until this Friday. Because I never got over staying out of codependent relationships and after being cheated on and left twice in the last few months, and running straight into another relationship, desperate to have someone in my life as usual. I've been seeing this guy for a few weeks. I've known him for a couple years though, his daughter used to babysit my kids, they actually set us up so I thought hey, perfect! Until we were hanging out Friday and started drinking and the next thing I knew we were smoking crack. 4 years sober down the drain. I am so disappointed in myself right now I don't even know what to do. I'm avoiding him (which isn't hard as he seems to be avoiding me too which hurts like hell for some reason) and everybody for that matter, hiding out in my house crying. I don't want to be alone but I don't want to face anybody if that makes sense. I have no idea how to handle this situation. Again I didn't even want to use. I just wanted to be with him. Even saying it, I know that is so sick, but it's how I feel. I have messed my life up so bad over men it is just pathetic. If anybody has any advice it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
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