I am confused. If I read up codependency, my stbx fits it to a T. From day one of our relationship, looking back now. I was always the one to set boundaries. I feel in any relationship there is give and take....(example: Please call me by noon,I have to get out of the house by quarter after. Person calls ten minutes after, with a good reason why they couldnt call. Much later in the relationship you realize their story was probably a lie or some form of manipulation.) You have cut them slack, just as you would like to be given some, because we are human, we have flaws,make mistakes....things changed over the years from, setting boundaries to fearing his reaction to my setting boundaries. Although I know I must have them, verbal,emotional, financial and at times physical abuse kept me from feeling safe enough to set boundaries. He has been gone since January,when I set boundaries, he is nasty, but he is not here. I care less about how he may react, and care more about how I feel about setting boundaries, if he crosses them, there is nothing I can do to change it or him, just follow through with my plan....I am Confused because, although some may say I am codependant, exhibited traits of that, it was against who I am...I feel his emotional, verbal abuse seriously contributed to the way I reacted and interacted with him....to clarify, I know now that he had these traits in place since day one...I really only began to notice a change in him since I was pregnant with my son....that was nine years into the relationship....I have been going to counseling for about two years now over my marital problems, and going to the Domestic Violence shelter for counseling for about six months. I have read numerous books on many topics...sorry this is so long...I just want to heal and move on any way that I can...any help would be great.