Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
DF has mentioned several times this week ( just brief conversations when when I had to relay a message or something ) that he would like to come and see our baby this Sunday .
Yesterday when I stopped by there , he saw her for a few minutes ,and asked again , please let me see her .
I had asked him to get some help , he says he is on a waiting list for a counselor , I think he should have just found a different office , sometimes those waiting lists can take months or a year . He won't go to any meetings or read any books or things I ( in the past ) had printed him off the computer, he doesn't visit any support boards that I had mentioned either .
Just to me seems like a small task in order to see your child , kwim ? But what is it saying that he won't do it ? BUT he claims he's not on anything , bull crap , for some reason he thinks drinking doesn't count , and last i knew he was drinking pretty heavily at night . he still worked hard and was dependable that way , therefore remaining "functional" in outsiders eyes , but at home he was miserable to be around .
So heres the thing I know he is going to call today and ask to come visit .
I feel weak , I miss him the past few days . It just makes me a mess to see him . I am so angry , hurt , and I feel abandoned , and I feel used , I feel like he chose the drugs over me ( well he technically did ) . I just want so badly still for him to change , and I know this is not healthy to think this way . I know I can't worry about him changing , only me changing . I KNOW what I am suppose to be doing , but everything inside of me is screaming in the other direction.
I just wish my family wasn't all torn up . I hate being alone ( even though really he wasn't good company, and it was always chaos ) and I hate thinking of him moving on and getting over me , which oddly enough seems like he is doing , and here I am still missing him .
Why do I feel like the loser in this situation ?
I don't feel strong enough to have him here . I don't trust myself to not try to throw things in his face , manipulate and try to make him want me . WHY do I feel the need to do this ? It never works , if anything I end up looking bad , and like a nag and a B , but still I can't stop myself . I end up being the bad one by saying something , making insinuations etc.
If I felt emotionally detached from him , than I would be able to stop . BUt I don't , I am still struggling with "what did I do wrong , why doesn't he love me "
I feel like I am pathetic ! How is he being so strong ?
Part of me wants to let him come by , because we've had no contact , and I am afraid that the longer there is time and space apart the faster he is forgetting about and getting over us .
But the other part of me , knows that I should stick to my altumatum ( sp?) that I gave him , he needs to get help before I can let him be involved around the kids ( we have a baby , and I have an older son ) .
I also feel like If I don't let him see our baby than he is just going to resent me more . ANd for some dumb reason I still want to make him happy , and for him to love me *roll eyes *
If I could just let him visit , and not react to anything , and not get into any conversations etc.
But I am just feeling to weak and desperate to handle being around him.
what should I do ? let him visit and practice my knew recovery skills ( I dont' sound so promising that I can do it tho ugh , lol ) , or just avoid his call all together .
Or should I answer the call and remind him of the getting help versus seeing his daughter ? If I said it in a calm and caring voice , nonconfrontational ?
what should I do ? I know he will be calling soon .
OH and something else , my aunt and her little girl wanted us to go to this little petting zoo today , and I kinda blew it off because I didn't want to miss DF's call or visit . I know that is codependent behaviour . I should just go to the zoo, it would be fun for my kids and a nice day . PRoblem is I will be distracted ( again codependent behaviour ) and sad all day obsessing about DF and losing controll of him .
I am so embarrassed to admit all this . I feel so powerless in this situation.
Yesterday when I stopped by there , he saw her for a few minutes ,and asked again , please let me see her .
I had asked him to get some help , he says he is on a waiting list for a counselor , I think he should have just found a different office , sometimes those waiting lists can take months or a year . He won't go to any meetings or read any books or things I ( in the past ) had printed him off the computer, he doesn't visit any support boards that I had mentioned either .
Just to me seems like a small task in order to see your child , kwim ? But what is it saying that he won't do it ? BUT he claims he's not on anything , bull crap , for some reason he thinks drinking doesn't count , and last i knew he was drinking pretty heavily at night . he still worked hard and was dependable that way , therefore remaining "functional" in outsiders eyes , but at home he was miserable to be around .
So heres the thing I know he is going to call today and ask to come visit .
I feel weak , I miss him the past few days . It just makes me a mess to see him . I am so angry , hurt , and I feel abandoned , and I feel used , I feel like he chose the drugs over me ( well he technically did ) . I just want so badly still for him to change , and I know this is not healthy to think this way . I know I can't worry about him changing , only me changing . I KNOW what I am suppose to be doing , but everything inside of me is screaming in the other direction.
I just wish my family wasn't all torn up . I hate being alone ( even though really he wasn't good company, and it was always chaos ) and I hate thinking of him moving on and getting over me , which oddly enough seems like he is doing , and here I am still missing him .
Why do I feel like the loser in this situation ?
I don't feel strong enough to have him here . I don't trust myself to not try to throw things in his face , manipulate and try to make him want me . WHY do I feel the need to do this ? It never works , if anything I end up looking bad , and like a nag and a B , but still I can't stop myself . I end up being the bad one by saying something , making insinuations etc.
If I felt emotionally detached from him , than I would be able to stop . BUt I don't , I am still struggling with "what did I do wrong , why doesn't he love me "
I feel like I am pathetic ! How is he being so strong ?
Part of me wants to let him come by , because we've had no contact , and I am afraid that the longer there is time and space apart the faster he is forgetting about and getting over us .
But the other part of me , knows that I should stick to my altumatum ( sp?) that I gave him , he needs to get help before I can let him be involved around the kids ( we have a baby , and I have an older son ) .
I also feel like If I don't let him see our baby than he is just going to resent me more . ANd for some dumb reason I still want to make him happy , and for him to love me *roll eyes *
If I could just let him visit , and not react to anything , and not get into any conversations etc.
But I am just feeling to weak and desperate to handle being around him.
what should I do ? let him visit and practice my knew recovery skills ( I dont' sound so promising that I can do it tho ugh , lol ) , or just avoid his call all together .
Or should I answer the call and remind him of the getting help versus seeing his daughter ? If I said it in a calm and caring voice , nonconfrontational ?
what should I do ? I know he will be calling soon .
OH and something else , my aunt and her little girl wanted us to go to this little petting zoo today , and I kinda blew it off because I didn't want to miss DF's call or visit . I know that is codependent behaviour . I should just go to the zoo, it would be fun for my kids and a nice day . PRoblem is I will be distracted ( again codependent behaviour ) and sad all day obsessing about DF and losing controll of him .
I am so embarrassed to admit all this . I feel so powerless in this situation.
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
All of what you are feeling for you is so normal to how us CoD's feel and process situations and try to fix and control everything around us especially at the time when we are accepting our own bad habits and behaviors and how we infect our relationships... Keep writing and reading here on this board, find a group you can visist, keep reading good self help books...YOU WILL MOVE THROUGH THIS SUCCESSFULLY remaining committed TO YOU, to YOUR HEALTH. And if you have a moment where you falter, pick yourself back up and know that you'll do better next time. These emotions are all very real, and habits are hard to break. It sounds stupid but keep, keeping on woman! We're all growing and learning together!
I don't think what you've posted here is inappropriate...like me you tend to be wordy but you are bringing up specific discussions and asking specific questions...
Please don't feel discouraged and continue to post discussions, advice and journal entries...post in all three! I enjoy reading what your specific experiences are about and I enjoy the perspective you offer from a young stage of recovery. We are all growing and learning together...
Again, please don't be discouraged and stop posting discussions/advice and journal entries.
I am not sure how she meant it . I took it like it was too personal , or too jumbled , or whatever . Oh well no big deal .