I wish to thank those of you who were around to add some care to my cravings last night. I journaled about it to. Creativity helped me through again! Self sabotage comes easy when life is well. (The bomb is going to drop) But I realize this is just my old survivor self....Cravings and urges will forever be apart of my journey. Supports are so important. I was able to contact a couple via phone last night. I tried to use the chat on here to speak to one of you (thanks Lorab)and MiMoMo for you comments, but it was not working. Or just as I would send a message my computer crapped out! yeeeeeeesh!
Here is my poetry and what saved me from using last night. For those of you who do not use this method of healing you don't have to read it! But ask you to remain open in knwoing that it heals me k? :D I think I will just put them both up here. There in my journal as well. It is the way I share and express my thoughts feelings and journey!

Talking to a Craving: by Aka Sherose October 15th
You with your taunting promises
to be free of the potent mind given by creator
lessening my creativity
oh, you are so seductive
but nothing really
you are not even a molecule that
is healthy to my being,
only death to it
you are weaker than I
you with your broken promises
of weight loss and mental disguised beauty and
arrogance that you temporarily
have me believing I am Queen of the night
thriving off my innocence and human egoism's
age has no barrier with you
you are a conniving delicious disaster
of a relished tainted delicacy
conquered and defeated by avoidance and absolute abstinence
Hah! and a cauldron of cackles and sparks
of true abundance of spirit hold me comforted!
with sirens of supportive kindred spirits
Boo! Back off!
You demon cocaine creating false human responses
said to be truths
you are no Timothy Leary!
so be off with you and blown away whooooooosh!
by my rationale of insane realities that
hold truth to my worthy being
of freedom from your clutches of deceits
you are not worth it!
My life scares you hey?
My candle burns bright, yours has expired!


Obsession by:AKA sherose October 15

I spend mindless wakeful hours
when my body needs rest
repeating the old tape of ill health
it doesn't dissolve
yet absorbs my entirety
you are like a diseased cling on
I want you to disappear
you steal me away from all I love
my creative being
family, friends and those who care
reality being stronger and more than your
illusional de funking mind erasing patterns
I have individuals who do care!
Surprise, surprise!
I win again, for if I were to alienate
and have ill health with you cocaine
I will have no human relations
not even my self, my spirit
who wishes to dance
so bugger off!
You are nothing to me but a
craving, , urge and fantasies
filled with fictitious charmed hypnotic
destruction! NOT REAL!
Leave me be
and should you prey on
me again, be careful , for it is you who shall be
lost in the woods not to be a crutch or idolized!
for that is an old path
I have created a new one!
my machete of wisdom has cut another path.
Even though the path you already made for me
is worn and familier, it is more of a hassle
holding danger and death as the shadows of clouds hang with you.
My wish is for you Cocaine to trip over every body you drove away
or killed all too soon!
And I wish for you to feel the families, friends and individual hurts and haunts you created.
Well. this time I won the battle within my mind!
Spirit dances.
Dear toxic Cocaine.....your acknowledged.,
but are not awarded any bravery or salutations from me!
I am alive times double the amount of energy I wasted on you!
I am ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Namaste'