I don't really even know what I want to say here. I just need to talk I guess. I have never gone through any treatment or been a part of a group before. I guess I've always just found it kind of hard to swallow that anyone would really give a shit. But anyway, yeah, this shit's going to end in catastrophic disaster if I don't get myself under control. It's no secret that I used to be a meth addict. I mean like to my family n stuff. Everybody gave up on me. Then one day I just quit and began a long slow crawl out of the gutter. And I made it out. In 4 years I went from being on the street with nothing to a very good life with a very good job. Amazed the shit out of everybody. I worked so hard and I wanted it so frikken bad. You know..normality. So now maybe someone can help me understand why I have started sneaking around and smoking crack. I'm already at that point where I tell myself "ok this is the last time. I'm done with this after tonight" But now it's sinking in that I'm just bullshitting myself. I'm just throwing it all away. I feel it coming. It's getting harder to explain my whereabouts. It's getting harder to hide my dirty little secret. If anyone finds out about this...it's all over. My life will crumble before my eyes in one abrupt motion. Is that what I want? Apparently it is cause I'm letting it happen.
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