..today family was one of my worst days in sobriety but let me first say...I'M CLEAN AND SOBER..NO RELAPSE...i started off ..its pay day but remember i'm on antabuse so mentally my thoughts were clear as i started my day...but i couldnt get motivated to do anything..didnt want to go to work..didnt want to do anything..and physically just could not get it together....i fought many times from turning around and going home and to bed but i was able to talk to my wife at work and told her that i felt my body was phisically rejecting sobriety..but the funny thing was i wasnt thinking of getting high..she told me you subconsciously want to get high but your body and mind know the antabuse is keeping you from starting out with beer and i dont normally just jump up amd go smoke crack...we talked for hours about what it all meant and i am so glad to talk to all of you tonite because i feel like shit physically and i will be glad to end this day...at no time was i in an urge to use but my body and mind are so exhausted..i have been aching so maybe a brother has a cold..but i know better..i thank the God of my understanding for sending angels of protection around me today and i hope someone can relate to what i've felt this day..love u all and good nite..
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