Cocaine Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Cocaine addiction is the excessive intake of cocaine, and can result in physiological damage, lethargy, depression, or a potentially fatal overdose. Though the immediate craving to do more cocaine is strong and very common, this feeling usually subsides in most users within an hour. This craving can, as it has in many users, develop rather quickly into an intense...
This is copy and pasted from my web site
Thought I'd share it here:
Written last year!
Dedicated to all the front line workers:
365 days ago I came here with a 20 year addiction........dying from infection.......
To the front liners.
Wednesday March 15, 2006
I write this with hopes to inspire your work also stay open to the areas I felt not so safe and to encourage you to keep the positives going!!!You saved my life!
Hello! My name is ****** ******* 40 years of age.
You may not remember me but, I will never forget my experience with all of you! 365 days ago I came to the hospital here at Prince George Regional hospital and arrived in emergency. Walked in with my husband assisting me.
Cocaine riddled body, lorazepam, mogadon, heroin, valium...................sick.
I had cysts on my arm, my legs, my groin and breasts. I was sick with addiction. My battle with substances for the 20 years off and on including pharmaceuticals finally hit bottom. I physically could not take any more! (It was what stopped me) My mental capacity would have probably denied my bottom) Physically my body shut down.
I came to you and emergency and you asked how you could help. I showed my arm that was by now swollen and black with infection. I was taken in immediately. Some of you recognized me. From the in out I had been doing in the passed year or so. I waited for a negative or to be chastised or spoken down to (the way I felt I deserved) As I write this I remember feeling like a little child. Scared, feelings of so much shame and sadness and fear! The nurses came to me and awwwwed and you poor thing and called me sweetie. You tried to stop my screaming and pain. The male nurse tried to find a vein to take some blood and to start I.V antibiotics immediately. No vein was available...he was gentle and kept calling me sweetie, husband at my side and another nurse at my other side. The digging in my feet was still going on to search for a vein for blood extraction. and start antibiotics. I screamed. I remember a nurse putting her hand over my forehead cool calming I was out of my head. The pain insane! The vein was found and blood extracted and antibiotics in as well. My heart was not okay I had pains in my chest.....I was rushed to get my chest tested...the fellow doing that I remember was NOT nice he seemed like he did not wish to touch me. I had bruises all over my breasts and I felt ugly and he made it a bit unsafe for me and I felt like maybe this was a mistake I am going home *flight or flight* (only two experiences of negative the whole hospital stay) I share these as well as the better ... this is my story) To hope you keep doing more of the better and be aware of the not so positive.
I remember the blonde haired female doctor ( no disrespect intended I have not been able to remember your name)so nice and draining my cyst with accuracy and encouraging me things were going to be okay. That I (may) have to stay till morning..I just wanted out so I can get better at home. I had no idea that just was not going to happen this time. My head was not wrapping around the extend of my infection or mental psychosis. I was so afraid so afraid! Of the them's and the you's. Anyone outside my un healthy world that I knew as safe! To me. Nurses trying to ease me and bed pan me. The dignity given when I said I needed help to go to the washroom and was helped and not forced to go in the pan (thank you)!
I was kind of foggy but remember being wheeled to 3rd floor for a bed and getting ready to be operated on. A kind nurse was slowly but efficiently guiding me to be ready. Clothes off and weighed. Being weighed which was a shock!!! I was at the last time I weighed my body about 160 when the nurse said I was 130 I was just barely understanding how my physical body was and so scared because I was not connected to it! Now I was going for an operation on my arm and had know idea what that really meant except I was going to have dead skin cut off! Dead skin? What dead skin? How did this happen? Where is my husband? Where am I? Wake up after the anesthetic? What did you say? That my vein may give out during the procedure? What is this? Oh, God help me!!! I am so scared! I want to go home! I am so thirsty but was told no water of course. In my mind I was dead and now your trying to punish me.....I was being told I have to go through this no choice now. (Which helped) It was logical and to the point someone was finally making a choice for me! Thank you for that...loud and firm.I remember feeling in hospital, always on the go.....no rest feeling so helpless, victimized. In my head going over all the crap in my life and the cycle of horrors and addiction that this was another chapter now there is a new dimension in it. Like a horrible film I just wanted to click the channel. I could not, nor could I deny this time the extent of my addiction. Helpless! To leave the hospital at this point would have been death for me.
The doctor was kind and a heavy accent and did not wince at anything....(very important!)And did not judge me! Any kind of unsureness on your point would have started the fear and disappointment towards all of society I had told myself over the years. Total devastation to my already psychotic psyche! I was through the operation and when I woke was told I still could not have water( oh I was mad) a child reaction. I wanted my husband, he took off for a break as he was told it would be longer. The nursed came at me with needles. Suggestion? Please, in general most addicts and speaking for myself I thought you were trying to kill me! We don't like needles!!! Explain what the needles are for and don't go behind someone who is psychotic!!!!! I was terrified hence the reaction you got and panic! Don't try to sneak we are highly perceptive and paranoid and whispering really did not go over well because of course you talking about me and how you can hurt me ( my thoughts at the time) paranoid very paranoid!. And perceptive, Don't doubt that! I reacted with survival and the screaming and the name calling was all I could do because I was too weak to hit! I mean if you woke up and head was pounding...arm can't move no support white lights nurses scurrying with needles and coming at you think about it in your right mind you may be a little tense! I was helpless and felt trapped and again not of sound mind I wanted out! ( I came to the emergency expecting to leave the same night) And woke to nurses with needles!
Once on 3rd floor the care was fantastic ( I only had one incident with a nurse that I was encouraged to write up and complain formerly) I still don't regret it as I almost left the good care of the hospital because of her and really don't think she should be doing that job but that is my opinion AND IT COUNTS! As a result of her my I.V line blew because she pushed 3 bags of antibiotics in to be on schedule for my whirl pool cleaning and dressing and my calm trust that was slowly coming back so I could heal was upset. Then she gave me the demoral which I requested not getting any longer and it was a hard jab in the butt and I was afraid and sick as well. Total panic and wanted to leave....I would have were it not for me being brave enough to tell another nurse as it kept me up that night and I felt lost and alone and scared. (Please nurse be kind to all your patients) You never know, we may get better to tell the story!
The Doctor stays could have been longer (not the sergeants but the daily visits) A simple you made a healthy choice would suffice. Bed side manner people! Imagine if I was your sister? or Mother? Or child?
The nurses coming by for blood and doing the pokes on the fingers sure were great! Way better than trying to find a vein! And calming. The one nurse who took the time one night to try and find the vein again for I.V she was great! Gentle and really was working hard at it. I felt so safe and cared for. Thank you (I referred to you as Janis Joplin) We were not successful in finding a vein and I felt bad for your lost efforts. ( You were so patient)
The 3rd floor nurses orchestration and care was dynamite and I observed it all!
The night nurses when you came in and sometimes would hum softly (comforting)
The shoes and flashlight to check and change the I.V bags also comforting. Adding warm blanket as seemed to be just the right time! Thank you.
The encouragement to get out of bed and walk around thank you.
Dignity thank you! Your smiles and jokes and sharing stories helped me connect to some reality.
( I heard, most everything you talked about at the front desk too) all good!
Whirl pool wow! That was a huge part of my getting back to "self" I remember waiting for some response of (ew) or a frown at what my choices were. Or the ugly wound on my arm (hole in my body) as the doctor called it! (funny made me laugh) The counseling (tendency)( loving kindness) support I received from that whole department was so important. I remember sobbing on the shoulder (thank you Linda) My first time I seen the site of my wound. Crying like a baby! Your shoulder was the safest place I could be and it was my first experience in weeping (in safety in a ling time) The beginning of many healing tears for me. You were all wonderful there!
The conversation and encouragement. I felt apart of the human race and I counted! I was safe there and some times did not wish to leave. I chose not to have pain medicine. That demeral is nasty and gives a whole new meaning to higher than 40 hippies (yuck)! I preferred the under the tongue analgesic and tried to go with out that and breath instead. Whirlpool and student nurses worked with my breathing while I was(my arm) being cleaned packed and dressed. What a team, I felt so safe so cared for.
I had to continue I.V intramuscularly and my buttocks were sore...I remember gaining about 3 inches of puffiness all over from the stuff (I.V and salt solution) That wore off. You reassured me it would (thank you)
Physio was wonderful and caring and important! Thanks for the encouragement!
I wish to comment on my year prior visits in and out of hospital my detox stay and my visit to Maureen at I.V when I was in Detox. She was so gentle and kind. I remember it all. Being wheeled for detox to the hospital to be cut and packed because of cysts and the I.V non narcotic Toridol I was getting. The kind nurses helping and doing the breathing with me! Thank you. The care and dignity.. You never gave up on me! I would come into emergency so shamed. Loss of self so feeling scared and that you were just going to be mean be nasty.
Your team in emergency gave me dignity! Shared encouraging stories. Told me to not quit quitting and that my decision to come in was welcome and the right thing to do! Reminded me to get clean needles. Accepted me for who I was and my choices at the time. No lectures just supporting me for the best human I was capable of being (at the time) Do you know how important that was for me????
That carried me for weeks! Your faces. The gestures beyond the job. The little hug. The hand holding and eye contact of (I care) come back if you need to! The little jokes the sweetie calling! Or Miss Hali! All keeping it real and the feeling of I am welcome back and this place is good not an enemy. There is help here and when I am ready I will be safe. (If the emergency is a bad place us addicts are goners) Hear that! Remember that! The reason I took so long to go to hospital the last time is my shame......I waited till literally I went out of my mind in pain and finally came. I still would not have had my experiences prior were more negative than positive. My psychosis was bad! But the pain worse!
A year before I was in Detox but did not go to treatment....
Detox took my cares questions and concerns seriously......I had stopped and questioned every counselor in there I could and you ALL took time out and sat with me to speak to me about your personal experiences or give advise. You helped with my mind panics and body fevers. The acupuncture was different and so was the breathing and relaxation. The kindest precious memory is when one of you washed my hair. I was unable to because my arms were packed and dressed from cysts being cut and drained and I had an I.V in my foot. I had extensions in my hair that needed special attention. Instead of cutting my hair or telling me that hey your messed your life up what do you care about your hair(which was my little demon telling me) You took the time and gently washed my hair with the special shampoo my husband brought in you rinsed and put in the conditioner and gently rinsed my hair over the sink as I leaned back and told me a story of your daughter's hair and extensions (thank you)! I felt like I mattered. I felt human! It felt soooooo good thank you!
I remember the Doctor at that time a male one time then and a female. One was Asian I believe and the female was doctor Brock? Oh dear I am sorry. The male doctor had black hair and the female red. The emergency room doctors way to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had run into both of you recently to hug and thank you!
Needle exchange was a powerful safe place for me. When I would go in to get clean ones. I was hugged I was stopped and talked to. It stopped me sometimes for a day or so to get re acquainted with my life (house, and physical things) All because someone at needle exchange shared with me there life and asked about mine. They kept asking if I had a safe place! They would say things like (I care) (how dare they) It challenged my using in my head. I would as myself do I wish to keep going? Messed me up! Gave me a thought which was a big deal when your insane with obsession!
I would wait and think before using....I would have 4 eight balls waiting to go and I would be there thinking (way to go needle exchange, making me think)!
You know it truly takes a team of experts and community to get one away from the addiction.
Psych nurse was wonderful and alcohol and drug services and the visits to the hospital. Encouraging my treatment. ( I went to Nachako because the beds were full in Aurora house) I could not wait! I needed treatment A.S.A.P. Nechakos counselors at the time were exactly what I needed,I was there 2 1/2 months.
The social work fellow who came from the hospital was poor he talked down to me and was degrading. Stop it!. Just because I was sick does not mean I was not educated! I could hear you and you did not have to speak so slow to me! Or loud like I was a deaf person with a mental illness. That is fine if I had and I could see the reason but hey I was needing some guidance not insult. Room for improvement. There. For sure. When a person cries it is enough! Okay?
Well, As of today I am involved solely in community. Speaking out on violence, addictions, child abuses and other traumas I had. Body image, nutrition and financial messes.
I will come in an speak to the Doctors Nurses or health care any time you feel you have questions I could hold a seminar. As someone who has been there. Through it all. '
I had food brought in to me during my hospital stay and was given a separate kitchen in treatment. I believe nutrition played a huge part in my arm healing. I was suppose to get skin graphs but healed. After 3 months of whirlpool my wound closed.
My scars are reminders for sure! Of the care and respect your team of health care providers, provided.
There is much more I would like to say but for now I will let it be. This was a thank you for all you do! and Be!
I am a former addict. I have my power back. Self worth and a belief in the system. Help is there.....just not all in one building. The front liners are crucial! You saved my dying body! You gave my thoughts food so I could care just enough to go to treatment and make that decision on my own! Clever!
You saved my life!!!!! You saved my life!
I admire the woman I am today.
20 years of addictions gone! No medications, alcohol, street drugs, smokes, wacky tabaccy and husband free ( I asked for a separation) we may be healthy together someday! I am free!
(I went into hospital thinking I was going to leave that same evening. I was frightened and trapped. I was sick and my home life was a vicious cycle of emotional abuse and I escaped with drugs. I did not want to leave my unsafe familiarity. Sad but where I was at. I had the emotions of a child, you were gentle to my child within and slowly I became connected to the adult I have come to treat well! It took a team of professionals to get me thus far. I stand on my own feet, but with out the support of this community and it's proffessionals, I would not have made it as I have. I learned about choices and that no matter how bad things get, they will never be as bad as what was 365 days ago)
Improve what you can, keep what is good and remember that your are saving lives!
Namaste'
Thought I'd share it here:
Written last year!
Dedicated to all the front line workers:
365 days ago I came here with a 20 year addiction........dying from infection.......
To the front liners.
Wednesday March 15, 2006
I write this with hopes to inspire your work also stay open to the areas I felt not so safe and to encourage you to keep the positives going!!!You saved my life!
Hello! My name is ****** ******* 40 years of age.
You may not remember me but, I will never forget my experience with all of you! 365 days ago I came to the hospital here at Prince George Regional hospital and arrived in emergency. Walked in with my husband assisting me.
Cocaine riddled body, lorazepam, mogadon, heroin, valium...................sick.
I had cysts on my arm, my legs, my groin and breasts. I was sick with addiction. My battle with substances for the 20 years off and on including pharmaceuticals finally hit bottom. I physically could not take any more! (It was what stopped me) My mental capacity would have probably denied my bottom) Physically my body shut down.
I came to you and emergency and you asked how you could help. I showed my arm that was by now swollen and black with infection. I was taken in immediately. Some of you recognized me. From the in out I had been doing in the passed year or so. I waited for a negative or to be chastised or spoken down to (the way I felt I deserved) As I write this I remember feeling like a little child. Scared, feelings of so much shame and sadness and fear! The nurses came to me and awwwwed and you poor thing and called me sweetie. You tried to stop my screaming and pain. The male nurse tried to find a vein to take some blood and to start I.V antibiotics immediately. No vein was available...he was gentle and kept calling me sweetie, husband at my side and another nurse at my other side. The digging in my feet was still going on to search for a vein for blood extraction. and start antibiotics. I screamed. I remember a nurse putting her hand over my forehead cool calming I was out of my head. The pain insane! The vein was found and blood extracted and antibiotics in as well. My heart was not okay I had pains in my chest.....I was rushed to get my chest tested...the fellow doing that I remember was NOT nice he seemed like he did not wish to touch me. I had bruises all over my breasts and I felt ugly and he made it a bit unsafe for me and I felt like maybe this was a mistake I am going home *flight or flight* (only two experiences of negative the whole hospital stay) I share these as well as the better ... this is my story) To hope you keep doing more of the better and be aware of the not so positive.
I remember the blonde haired female doctor ( no disrespect intended I have not been able to remember your name)so nice and draining my cyst with accuracy and encouraging me things were going to be okay. That I (may) have to stay till morning..I just wanted out so I can get better at home. I had no idea that just was not going to happen this time. My head was not wrapping around the extend of my infection or mental psychosis. I was so afraid so afraid! Of the them's and the you's. Anyone outside my un healthy world that I knew as safe! To me. Nurses trying to ease me and bed pan me. The dignity given when I said I needed help to go to the washroom and was helped and not forced to go in the pan (thank you)!
I was kind of foggy but remember being wheeled to 3rd floor for a bed and getting ready to be operated on. A kind nurse was slowly but efficiently guiding me to be ready. Clothes off and weighed. Being weighed which was a shock!!! I was at the last time I weighed my body about 160 when the nurse said I was 130 I was just barely understanding how my physical body was and so scared because I was not connected to it! Now I was going for an operation on my arm and had know idea what that really meant except I was going to have dead skin cut off! Dead skin? What dead skin? How did this happen? Where is my husband? Where am I? Wake up after the anesthetic? What did you say? That my vein may give out during the procedure? What is this? Oh, God help me!!! I am so scared! I want to go home! I am so thirsty but was told no water of course. In my mind I was dead and now your trying to punish me.....I was being told I have to go through this no choice now. (Which helped) It was logical and to the point someone was finally making a choice for me! Thank you for that...loud and firm.I remember feeling in hospital, always on the go.....no rest feeling so helpless, victimized. In my head going over all the crap in my life and the cycle of horrors and addiction that this was another chapter now there is a new dimension in it. Like a horrible film I just wanted to click the channel. I could not, nor could I deny this time the extent of my addiction. Helpless! To leave the hospital at this point would have been death for me.
The doctor was kind and a heavy accent and did not wince at anything....(very important!)And did not judge me! Any kind of unsureness on your point would have started the fear and disappointment towards all of society I had told myself over the years. Total devastation to my already psychotic psyche! I was through the operation and when I woke was told I still could not have water( oh I was mad) a child reaction. I wanted my husband, he took off for a break as he was told it would be longer. The nursed came at me with needles. Suggestion? Please, in general most addicts and speaking for myself I thought you were trying to kill me! We don't like needles!!! Explain what the needles are for and don't go behind someone who is psychotic!!!!! I was terrified hence the reaction you got and panic! Don't try to sneak we are highly perceptive and paranoid and whispering really did not go over well because of course you talking about me and how you can hurt me ( my thoughts at the time) paranoid very paranoid!. And perceptive, Don't doubt that! I reacted with survival and the screaming and the name calling was all I could do because I was too weak to hit! I mean if you woke up and head was pounding...arm can't move no support white lights nurses scurrying with needles and coming at you think about it in your right mind you may be a little tense! I was helpless and felt trapped and again not of sound mind I wanted out! ( I came to the emergency expecting to leave the same night) And woke to nurses with needles!
Once on 3rd floor the care was fantastic ( I only had one incident with a nurse that I was encouraged to write up and complain formerly) I still don't regret it as I almost left the good care of the hospital because of her and really don't think she should be doing that job but that is my opinion AND IT COUNTS! As a result of her my I.V line blew because she pushed 3 bags of antibiotics in to be on schedule for my whirl pool cleaning and dressing and my calm trust that was slowly coming back so I could heal was upset. Then she gave me the demoral which I requested not getting any longer and it was a hard jab in the butt and I was afraid and sick as well. Total panic and wanted to leave....I would have were it not for me being brave enough to tell another nurse as it kept me up that night and I felt lost and alone and scared. (Please nurse be kind to all your patients) You never know, we may get better to tell the story!
The Doctor stays could have been longer (not the sergeants but the daily visits) A simple you made a healthy choice would suffice. Bed side manner people! Imagine if I was your sister? or Mother? Or child?
The nurses coming by for blood and doing the pokes on the fingers sure were great! Way better than trying to find a vein! And calming. The one nurse who took the time one night to try and find the vein again for I.V she was great! Gentle and really was working hard at it. I felt so safe and cared for. Thank you (I referred to you as Janis Joplin) We were not successful in finding a vein and I felt bad for your lost efforts. ( You were so patient)
The 3rd floor nurses orchestration and care was dynamite and I observed it all!
The night nurses when you came in and sometimes would hum softly (comforting)
The shoes and flashlight to check and change the I.V bags also comforting. Adding warm blanket as seemed to be just the right time! Thank you.
The encouragement to get out of bed and walk around thank you.
Dignity thank you! Your smiles and jokes and sharing stories helped me connect to some reality.
( I heard, most everything you talked about at the front desk too) all good!
Whirl pool wow! That was a huge part of my getting back to "self" I remember waiting for some response of (ew) or a frown at what my choices were. Or the ugly wound on my arm (hole in my body) as the doctor called it! (funny made me laugh) The counseling (tendency)( loving kindness) support I received from that whole department was so important. I remember sobbing on the shoulder (thank you Linda) My first time I seen the site of my wound. Crying like a baby! Your shoulder was the safest place I could be and it was my first experience in weeping (in safety in a ling time) The beginning of many healing tears for me. You were all wonderful there!
The conversation and encouragement. I felt apart of the human race and I counted! I was safe there and some times did not wish to leave. I chose not to have pain medicine. That demeral is nasty and gives a whole new meaning to higher than 40 hippies (yuck)! I preferred the under the tongue analgesic and tried to go with out that and breath instead. Whirlpool and student nurses worked with my breathing while I was(my arm) being cleaned packed and dressed. What a team, I felt so safe so cared for.
I had to continue I.V intramuscularly and my buttocks were sore...I remember gaining about 3 inches of puffiness all over from the stuff (I.V and salt solution) That wore off. You reassured me it would (thank you)
Physio was wonderful and caring and important! Thanks for the encouragement!
I wish to comment on my year prior visits in and out of hospital my detox stay and my visit to Maureen at I.V when I was in Detox. She was so gentle and kind. I remember it all. Being wheeled for detox to the hospital to be cut and packed because of cysts and the I.V non narcotic Toridol I was getting. The kind nurses helping and doing the breathing with me! Thank you. The care and dignity.. You never gave up on me! I would come into emergency so shamed. Loss of self so feeling scared and that you were just going to be mean be nasty.
Your team in emergency gave me dignity! Shared encouraging stories. Told me to not quit quitting and that my decision to come in was welcome and the right thing to do! Reminded me to get clean needles. Accepted me for who I was and my choices at the time. No lectures just supporting me for the best human I was capable of being (at the time) Do you know how important that was for me????
That carried me for weeks! Your faces. The gestures beyond the job. The little hug. The hand holding and eye contact of (I care) come back if you need to! The little jokes the sweetie calling! Or Miss Hali! All keeping it real and the feeling of I am welcome back and this place is good not an enemy. There is help here and when I am ready I will be safe. (If the emergency is a bad place us addicts are goners) Hear that! Remember that! The reason I took so long to go to hospital the last time is my shame......I waited till literally I went out of my mind in pain and finally came. I still would not have had my experiences prior were more negative than positive. My psychosis was bad! But the pain worse!
A year before I was in Detox but did not go to treatment....
Detox took my cares questions and concerns seriously......I had stopped and questioned every counselor in there I could and you ALL took time out and sat with me to speak to me about your personal experiences or give advise. You helped with my mind panics and body fevers. The acupuncture was different and so was the breathing and relaxation. The kindest precious memory is when one of you washed my hair. I was unable to because my arms were packed and dressed from cysts being cut and drained and I had an I.V in my foot. I had extensions in my hair that needed special attention. Instead of cutting my hair or telling me that hey your messed your life up what do you care about your hair(which was my little demon telling me) You took the time and gently washed my hair with the special shampoo my husband brought in you rinsed and put in the conditioner and gently rinsed my hair over the sink as I leaned back and told me a story of your daughter's hair and extensions (thank you)! I felt like I mattered. I felt human! It felt soooooo good thank you!
I remember the Doctor at that time a male one time then and a female. One was Asian I believe and the female was doctor Brock? Oh dear I am sorry. The male doctor had black hair and the female red. The emergency room doctors way to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had run into both of you recently to hug and thank you!
Needle exchange was a powerful safe place for me. When I would go in to get clean ones. I was hugged I was stopped and talked to. It stopped me sometimes for a day or so to get re acquainted with my life (house, and physical things) All because someone at needle exchange shared with me there life and asked about mine. They kept asking if I had a safe place! They would say things like (I care) (how dare they) It challenged my using in my head. I would as myself do I wish to keep going? Messed me up! Gave me a thought which was a big deal when your insane with obsession!
I would wait and think before using....I would have 4 eight balls waiting to go and I would be there thinking (way to go needle exchange, making me think)!
You know it truly takes a team of experts and community to get one away from the addiction.
Psych nurse was wonderful and alcohol and drug services and the visits to the hospital. Encouraging my treatment. ( I went to Nachako because the beds were full in Aurora house) I could not wait! I needed treatment A.S.A.P. Nechakos counselors at the time were exactly what I needed,I was there 2 1/2 months.
The social work fellow who came from the hospital was poor he talked down to me and was degrading. Stop it!. Just because I was sick does not mean I was not educated! I could hear you and you did not have to speak so slow to me! Or loud like I was a deaf person with a mental illness. That is fine if I had and I could see the reason but hey I was needing some guidance not insult. Room for improvement. There. For sure. When a person cries it is enough! Okay?
Well, As of today I am involved solely in community. Speaking out on violence, addictions, child abuses and other traumas I had. Body image, nutrition and financial messes.
I will come in an speak to the Doctors Nurses or health care any time you feel you have questions I could hold a seminar. As someone who has been there. Through it all. '
I had food brought in to me during my hospital stay and was given a separate kitchen in treatment. I believe nutrition played a huge part in my arm healing. I was suppose to get skin graphs but healed. After 3 months of whirlpool my wound closed.
My scars are reminders for sure! Of the care and respect your team of health care providers, provided.
There is much more I would like to say but for now I will let it be. This was a thank you for all you do! and Be!
I am a former addict. I have my power back. Self worth and a belief in the system. Help is there.....just not all in one building. The front liners are crucial! You saved my dying body! You gave my thoughts food so I could care just enough to go to treatment and make that decision on my own! Clever!
You saved my life!!!!! You saved my life!
I admire the woman I am today.
20 years of addictions gone! No medications, alcohol, street drugs, smokes, wacky tabaccy and husband free ( I asked for a separation) we may be healthy together someday! I am free!
(I went into hospital thinking I was going to leave that same evening. I was frightened and trapped. I was sick and my home life was a vicious cycle of emotional abuse and I escaped with drugs. I did not want to leave my unsafe familiarity. Sad but where I was at. I had the emotions of a child, you were gentle to my child within and slowly I became connected to the adult I have come to treat well! It took a team of professionals to get me thus far. I stand on my own feet, but with out the support of this community and it's proffessionals, I would not have made it as I have. I learned about choices and that no matter how bad things get, they will never be as bad as what was 365 days ago)
Improve what you can, keep what is good and remember that your are saving lives!
Namaste'
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
Sherose!
http://www.tgorski.com/gorski_articles/cocaine%20craving%20&%20relapse%20010523.htm
Curious as to the dynamics of that relapse. Where was everyone then? Where were you? What was the doseage and how did it feel? Finally, what was learned in that last tango? Ooopsie Daisy!
MiMoMo:
I was heavily involved in local non profits, performing, hosting a UNBC radio show, sat on committtees, was an activist and spoke at many events, had a book signing, was a speaker at treatment centers, did workshops, etc.....BUT ONLY A FEW PAID! I was gettting resentful....plus I learned about patriarchal systems and learned that these place that encourage a Womans voice are also saying (if you comform) or we will exlie you! I learned a lot of political bull and non profit behind the scenes and governmental coverups. I was in studio doing recording, (working with other musicialns is tiring in studio)took the fun right out of my music... I was vunerable out of treatment...I gave I gave I gave but forgot the most important thing! ME! I forgot to feul myself. I had gained about 10-20 pounds from the fast pased lifestyle.(which is a trigger for me as well) So I went and bought about oh 8 ball after that more! 8 balls about 10 in total) around it think? Beat my arms up pretty good again.
The lesson? Hmmmm I realized that a message can be shared a little more softer than a loud activist! Also that what I have to say (some just do not with to hear) that my path is one of a writter, healer but what to do with it? I am still in the feeling low part MiMoMo...Music feels healing to me but I have been depressed because I cannot find work. over 66 resume's and applications I have sent and filled out.
Anyway today I am very tired and feeling like crap! Long night arguing with partner and kicked him out, feel sad and blah!
Sherose
going to put it on my web site as well!