It makes me incredibly sad and disappointed in yself to be writing this, but I need to be honest and admitt what's going on. I was doing well and stopped using for a couple of weeks, but then about two weeks ago I, unfortunately, made a phone call. The past two weeks it has been virtually non stop, day and night. Just when I was making progress, things have gotten worse than ever. I've barely been sleeping, I look terrible, and I am just so ashamed of myself for giving in to temptation. I keep saying I am going to take the step of going to meetings yet I haven't gone even once. I really feel like it would be good for me, yet when the time comes, I just don't go. It's like Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hide, two forces pulling and pushing, wanting so badly to stop, but not wanting to give it up. It does nothing good for me! I know that, I genuinely do! It is so stupid, so useless! I am an intelligent girl and I see a whole bright future ahead, but that bright future will not happen if I continue like this. I cannot check in to a program because I need to keep my job. Aside from meetings is there anything else people might suggest? Thank you. I want to get through this and move forward.
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