...will i ever stop having to look behind my back??? ..the program says that i must do dailly maintenance..am I too tired..too hungry..too sleepy..too lonely..its been 6 or 7 weeks since my relapse and i get the whispers..that oh so subtle thought about that beer on the beer aisle..that check i have to cash that i know is too damm big for me to be cashing...coming home from work right through the projects and needing that natural ice to cope with life as it hits me...6 or 7 weeks since that relapse..life is running on point but i cant help doing the daily maintenance cause the subtle cues are still there..will they ever go away..will i ever stop looking behind my back..the program says that this is a lifelong process..one day at a time...i take my wife to surgery tommorow just 6 hours from now..critical surgery but i am sober..there for her and just 6 months ago i would have just got in this morning unable to be there for her cause i would be sleep still..from binging all weekend..recovery is good..life has meaning and i am grateful for this fellowship
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