Just got back from my first meeting, i went to an AA meeting its the closet thing near me i could manage to get to right now. I walked an hour to get there and it was the worst walk ive ever walked, i must have chain smoked a packet of cigarettes. As i got there several people were smoking outside, so that was a bit of an ice breaker. i said it was my first meeting ive ever been too and they were really welcoming, they got a women to come out she got me a tea just has a chat and sat with me all the way through the meeting which was a relief! im quite shocked at how nice they were, i kind of think i could have made more of an effort to respond to kind hellos but i was too nervous to really react silly huh! i have to say though at the same time it was really really horrible! i kind of wanted to be hidden away and just listen but every time someone spoke, it was hello newcomer - which is lovely and just kept saying come again come again etc which is really nice, but i felt really paranoid and aware i was sat infront of all these people everytime they said newcomer, i was just thinking plz ignore me, but thats just me! ive realised alot from the meeting, they say theres more and more young ppl coming, that an addict could be anyone not just a stereotypical thing!the only thing was i could relate to the alcohol stories as im a big drinker too, but then i was like i shouldnt be here coz maybe i should be at an NA meeting or something too? ive learnt the meaning of the word yet! though im still thinking this isnt happening to me, im overexagerating surely? ive got leaflet for more meeting they were encouraging me to go to one 2moro too - but ive walked away with a bit of a headache really, and all the talk is just making me want to go get wasted. it would be so easy to go back to wales and forget all of this, but equally hard in my head space now im not ignorant. one thing i didnt expect was a hug lol i dont hug! and bit shocked when we had to stand up hold hand and say this prayer or something which i have to be honest i didnt say because i didnt know what was going on and just didnt want to. well i thought id post this coz to be honest i didnt think i would go, and i know it was an AA meeting and not a CA meeting but for me it was a big deal and though it was horribly uncomfortable im glad i did it. not sure if im more doubtful now, maybe more scared, but we all need hope!
much love x
much love x
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