And today I hate myself. Can't believe or understand why I allowed the cravings to overtake me. I've prayed each day, humbled myself, believed that I could make it this time......why did I do it? I feel like a hypocrit.....suggesting to others how to stay clean, and can't myself. I'm a failure and I again, let the crack cocaine overpower me. I am thankful that I didn't soar out to a several day binge, but the fact is I used, and it makes me feel like crap. I thought I was doing everything right.....then here it was, put face to face with me, and I didn't walk away. I didn't enjoy it, got no thrill from it, felt guilty as hell while smoking it....I just don't understand. Well I do, I just didn't think. I could come up with crappy excuses for why I did it.......but I do know none of them or true. It was up to me, and I failed the test.
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