Cocaine Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Cocaine addiction is the excessive intake of cocaine, and can result in physiological damage, lethargy, depression, or a potentially fatal overdose. Though the immediate craving to do more cocaine is strong and very common, this feeling usually subsides in most users within an hour. This craving can, as it has in many users, develop rather quickly into an intense...
I SWEAR, JUST RIGHT NOW IS THE TOUGHEST TIME I HAVE HAD STAYING OFF BLOW in 145 days..... I WANT TO GO DO SOME RIGHT FUCKING NOW. i have been off coke for 145 days except for one line about three months ago, accidentally. (no really).
its a funny story why. i used to live in Los angeles up to about 7 years ago and thats where the coke got really really out of hand. i mean probably AVERAGING a couple grams a day by maybe 1999 or so. as bad as it gets without needles. smoking the shit right in the living room till 5pm the next day, we had a house on the beach, a houseful of addicts who had people over 6 nights a week till daybreak at leaST, and the neighbors called the cops so often that they just ignored them.
we were getting ounces of the shit straight from mexico for SIX HUNDRED DOLLARS. try that on for size. i still have a pretty ridiculous capacity for doing it. i went to new orleans with my buddies over new years and snorted up a quarter ounce by myself in three days and nights. no-one else did a line. not unusual. did worse than that in march when i visited LA. twice as bad actually.
anyway back in the midwest the coke sucks outside of chicago. it has helped my efforts TREMENDOUSLY that i haven't had a good time doing it the last maybe 10 times, at all. bad shit, edgy, not fun. i think it was God honestly helping me to breAK THAT link of COKE=FUN.
but i have been cleaning the kitchen and found a baggie half dull of flour that my mom left in the cupboard =====it was old and kind of chunky and looked like a big bag of real coke... and i swear i just deja vu'd so hard to those times..FUCK. i just really want to go get a bag of coke and snort some of it then maybe smoke the rest. this is the first really big fucking craving. DAMMIT. i wish i hadnt remembered how FUN it can be but all i have to do is concentrate on the loss and emptiness that this fucking drug brings, and ill get through it.
but the weaker part of me wants to take a night off and hang out with cocaine. BAD.
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THANKS EVERYONE THIS IS AN AWESOME WEBSITE. 145 NOW, NO BLOW IN THAT TIME EXCEPT ONE LINE LIKE I SAID... (((my friend came over about three months ago. he had some coke out before i knew it and had a line out... i truly FORGOT i had been not doing it, its been around so long, and i did a line but IMMEDIATely remembered as i was doing it. again, did not like the high and didnt do another even though he did five more in front of me.))))
Since that day, i can even be around it while people are doing it as long as i DONT SEE IT. this is a first... before, if you even brought it up i would tell you to "dont TALK about it unless you HAVE it". in fact many of my friends copied that line from me and still use it all the time.
i have great friends and i tell the ones i know that get high a lot not to break it out, just go to the bathroom or something. i am now to the point i can watch people scurry back and forth to the bathroom and come out jabbering like a fucking squirrel and no problem. UNTHINKABLE six months ago. eventually it wont matter, but right now if i saw it, id not only do it, id sweep the rest of it off into a pack to do later.
I CANNOT SAY ive been "SOBER" 145 days, ITS DISRESPECTFUL TO SOBER PEOPLE. IVE SMOKED POT A FEW TIMES and had a few glasses of champagne other times, but have not been DRUNK or even BUZZED or USING COCAINE since May 29... and it wasnt even good!!!!
the heavy alcohol abuse COMBINED with the blow, and the resulting cross addiction, has been the most destructive issue. im trying to get the monster by the neck, so that when i have him down i can KILL HIM. the other stuff isnt shit, i can quit that any day. im strong. plus, pot does not have the same effect on me as most, im AD/HD and it helps me focus sometimes, not a spacey effect like most report.
sounds like an excuse and maybe it is... but i lived in CA so long that i dont think of pot as anywhere near as bad as cigarettes, its like aspirin... but COCAINE.... this is the shit that has to be dealt with RIGHT NOW. then later, sure, maybe i'll go further. Probably so. but im BRAND new to all this.
thanks everyone
its a funny story why. i used to live in Los angeles up to about 7 years ago and thats where the coke got really really out of hand. i mean probably AVERAGING a couple grams a day by maybe 1999 or so. as bad as it gets without needles. smoking the shit right in the living room till 5pm the next day, we had a house on the beach, a houseful of addicts who had people over 6 nights a week till daybreak at leaST, and the neighbors called the cops so often that they just ignored them.
we were getting ounces of the shit straight from mexico for SIX HUNDRED DOLLARS. try that on for size. i still have a pretty ridiculous capacity for doing it. i went to new orleans with my buddies over new years and snorted up a quarter ounce by myself in three days and nights. no-one else did a line. not unusual. did worse than that in march when i visited LA. twice as bad actually.
anyway back in the midwest the coke sucks outside of chicago. it has helped my efforts TREMENDOUSLY that i haven't had a good time doing it the last maybe 10 times, at all. bad shit, edgy, not fun. i think it was God honestly helping me to breAK THAT link of COKE=FUN.
but i have been cleaning the kitchen and found a baggie half dull of flour that my mom left in the cupboard =====it was old and kind of chunky and looked like a big bag of real coke... and i swear i just deja vu'd so hard to those times..FUCK. i just really want to go get a bag of coke and snort some of it then maybe smoke the rest. this is the first really big fucking craving. DAMMIT. i wish i hadnt remembered how FUN it can be but all i have to do is concentrate on the loss and emptiness that this fucking drug brings, and ill get through it.
but the weaker part of me wants to take a night off and hang out with cocaine. BAD.
++++++++++++++++
THANKS EVERYONE THIS IS AN AWESOME WEBSITE. 145 NOW, NO BLOW IN THAT TIME EXCEPT ONE LINE LIKE I SAID... (((my friend came over about three months ago. he had some coke out before i knew it and had a line out... i truly FORGOT i had been not doing it, its been around so long, and i did a line but IMMEDIATely remembered as i was doing it. again, did not like the high and didnt do another even though he did five more in front of me.))))
Since that day, i can even be around it while people are doing it as long as i DONT SEE IT. this is a first... before, if you even brought it up i would tell you to "dont TALK about it unless you HAVE it". in fact many of my friends copied that line from me and still use it all the time.
i have great friends and i tell the ones i know that get high a lot not to break it out, just go to the bathroom or something. i am now to the point i can watch people scurry back and forth to the bathroom and come out jabbering like a fucking squirrel and no problem. UNTHINKABLE six months ago. eventually it wont matter, but right now if i saw it, id not only do it, id sweep the rest of it off into a pack to do later.
I CANNOT SAY ive been "SOBER" 145 days, ITS DISRESPECTFUL TO SOBER PEOPLE. IVE SMOKED POT A FEW TIMES and had a few glasses of champagne other times, but have not been DRUNK or even BUZZED or USING COCAINE since May 29... and it wasnt even good!!!!
the heavy alcohol abuse COMBINED with the blow, and the resulting cross addiction, has been the most destructive issue. im trying to get the monster by the neck, so that when i have him down i can KILL HIM. the other stuff isnt shit, i can quit that any day. im strong. plus, pot does not have the same effect on me as most, im AD/HD and it helps me focus sometimes, not a spacey effect like most report.
sounds like an excuse and maybe it is... but i lived in CA so long that i dont think of pot as anywhere near as bad as cigarettes, its like aspirin... but COCAINE.... this is the shit that has to be dealt with RIGHT NOW. then later, sure, maybe i'll go further. Probably so. but im BRAND new to all this.
thanks everyone
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
Ok, you get some money and go get some coke, its 11:15pm. You and some new people you have never met are sitting round doing rails. Its an apartment and the these neighbors call the cops, you arrested and booked for possesion of a controlled substance. Now its 5:15am and you are in a jail cell, cold and alone. Your poor mom was crying on the phone, because she has no way to post your bail and in jail you sit. You start to come down and your mind is racing with thoughts of "damn the coke wasnt even all that good" "what was I thinking" "my poor mother" and over and over again the thoughts bombard you. Now, because of this, you are a felon, and you will be placed on probation, with random drug tests and substance abuse counseling and you must put down on job applications that you are now a felon. If you fail a drug test, you will go to prison or worse yet, you might just die. All because you think you have one more run left in you.
Please play the tape all the way through before you through your 145 days out the window.
i give my mom $$$ and if they called her to get me out of jail for coke she'd tell them to fuck right off... she came up with enough bail while i was is high school.... hahahaha
yeah theres no strangers house, no nothing. no cops. this is a small town, everybody does it, everyone knows everyone else... hell ive never even KNOWN anybody to get busted with it here....
no the tape would be more like " buy a shitload of coke, stay out drinking with friends till 5 or 6 am... then come home, cook the rest, and smoke it... then realize that i broke my deal with God and my counselors, family, and especially my ex, and that id have to go into LYING and regress into the person i used to be. THAt tape sucks too.
point well taken though and l like the tape reference. 'Night.
and thanks
All I can say is, "dont TALK about it unless you HAVE it". LoL!
Great written word there, my man. Got me flashed right back to partying at my club and lovin gettin it pure hot 8-balls from the Jamaicans.
That yeyo is a lover that's jealous of any other, pruning life opportunities in the bud. I freaking enjoyed the hell out of it and really did get to the bottom of what it's all about. Logically, there's no reason to go back and rekindle coke fury, for what? A review? For how long? Doesn't make sense. Papa once told me to go ahead and do so f-ing much of it as to get it over with and out of my system. Guess that's exactly what I did! I climbed and got to the top of my own snowy Mount Everest covered with coke. I got to see the view. Its not the end of world, but you definitely can see it from there!
I consider myself a lucky moe foe for getting back down off the mountain in one piece. I got other fish to fry now. One of which is to develop as torrid a relationship with a woman as I had with coco. Now, THAT would be like 'walkin with a mountain' like Mott the Hoople says!
You mess me up, dude. I'll get you back. Its young punks like you that keep me sober! LoL!
Your post really hit the sweet spot, a wakeup call to the tempting allure. For me it was a good exercise in summoning the gumption to face the music. If I'm that easily swayed by mere words in the comfort of an easy chair, then I better get bulked up for when the real deal comes a callin' in tough times!
Trying that $600 suit 'on for size', she seemed to fit really well until I remembered that I'm wicked allergic to wool ( or something that's white!). Please db buddy, NEVER stop being yourself! Your vivid portrayal of craving is a great reminder of what lurks WITHIN me. Thanks a million. Nah, make that a BILLION!