My husband has been using for years and I have tried everything to stop him. I used to take it personal but I realize now it wasn't personal. Anyway I let my curiosity get the better of me and I tried it with him a few months back and now it dosen't take much to talk me into going and using with him. I ALWAYS feel like shit afterwards mainly because of the financial situtaion we are in but that existed before I started using with him. He's I'm sure just glad I'm not bitchin him out anymore about disappearing and the "LOST" money. I know right from wrong and don't understand how I got myself into all this. I am soooo.... pissed with myself and what I'm doing. We have spent alot of money on crack in the last few months. He dosen't lie to me anymore about crack but what the hell is that. I don't like the depression that goes along with it afterwards or the areas we have to go into to buy. Dangerous places and people. I never realized the unwritten rules in the drug culture but I have learned about it very fast. I guess I always thought I wouldn't do something like crack and here I am just as big a fuck up as him now. I know we both need help but don't know where to start. I can't save him I have to save myself. I am having a very hard time getting past the anger I have for myself for the situtation I have put myself in. I don't want my life to spiral out of control like I've heard of sooo. many others. I want to stop and I want to feel like I used to. IBefore I felt like I could accomplish anything and now I'm on a one way road to hell if I don't stop. Our 13 yr. old son is going blind so I'm depressed about that also. I feel like a piece of shit for a parent and I know for the last 13 yrs. I have been the best parent I could but I was not using crack. If my family knew I was using with him I think that would just drive me over the edge.Whay did I feel like this is something that could never touch me? Any encouragement or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I've read tons about crack and cocaine But I don't know how to begin to stop. And it's never enough, it's just never enough, you always want more. I am starting to feel like life just sucks and it does but I know using has alot to do with that feeling. I don't know why I ever tried this with him. I guess I wanted to see what his attraction to this was and now I see and it's got me. Please help!!!
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